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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I make more money than DH, and have a more demanding job, but at the end of the day it has to be the mom who does most school related and child related things.

Sure maybe DH can stay home when they are sick (how often is that really, we had like maybe 5 days a year?).

But for school volunteering, or playdates, or whatever when DH showed up, he was treated as the odd DH.  First time, it was all cheers (what a great dad), but by the second time they were wondering where I was.  In general parenting events are the moms, and dads are mostly not welcome.  Coordinating for playdates and camps? Moms want to be texting and talking to moms, and carpooling with moms generally,

We hate it, but see how the family we know where the DH is default is ostracized -- we accept our lot.[/quote]

This is nuts to me. I make a lot more money and have more hours. My hsuband does all kinds of stuff and isn’t ostracized. I just arranged a play date this past weekend. I texted 4 dads and 1 mom to reach 5 kids. I cannot imagine a world where default dad creates some major problem.[/quote]

My husband and I make similar amounts 45/55 ratio but we are both introverts and work a lot, so we tag team. Where I live there are plenty of dads at birthday parties and events, and my husband is not ostracized. My husband also helps coordinate playdates. He actually coordinates most of the playdates that our nanny does not coordinate.

Regarding OP's post - OP, I can relate. We have a nanny, but I WFH and my husband WOH and I tend to do more of the bringing the kids to doctor's appointments and scheduling appointments. I also prep dinner before our nanny leaves (during my workday) every day and eat dinner with the kids and then do bedtime stuff. Sometimes I'm on calls for 15-45 minutes after our nanny leaves and it's so frustrating to be off video and changing things of the Disney channel frantically while on mute before running out of the room to speak. I also do the morning routine before our nanny arrives and have been driving my older daughter to school recently because she's having a rough time and it's my way of trying to make things just a teensy bit better. I definitely feel resentful at times because my husband's job has more optics than mine which means I am the default parent even though we make about the same and I have been advancing faster in the past five years. It's such a hard time, but it's not forever. [/quote]

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