Reply to SO's fam doesn't care about baby/there is no village

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]SO's mom has a contentious relationship with her much younger half-siblings but said half-siblings attended our wedding and baby shower before. I sent out 1st birthday invites (show up in person or virtual Zoom) and none of them are coming and none of them feel like meeting baby. Baby is so happy and cheerful and defied all the odds (covid in utero while triple vaxxed leading to NICU stay for 1st week of life). They literally don't care he's alive. And my god, it hurts so, so much. Plus I'm an only so no siblings. SO asked his mom if she wanted to help out with baby, she laughed and said no. Five sitters backed out and one finally said yes after offering close to $40/hr. All of our nearby friends are vehemently childfree which is their choice, but there's nobody to share in the joy of our baby outside of daycare and it really sucks. Luckily we're afloat financially *knock on wood* but it's such a joyless existence for our baby and I feel so sad for our little. Going out, I almost feel like I have to apologize I have a baby. It was so different when I was a student abroad, people loved babies and everyone truly cherished kids. I would've stayed abroad but getting a visa and job were impossible. What do you do when there is no village in sight?[/quote]

SO’s mom’s siblings would be Aunts/Uncles.  Not all Aunts/Uncles are present in their niece/nephew’s lives- especially ones that are much younger half siblings with a contentious relationship with the grandmother.

I think you will find many of us in the DMV hav little to no local family that can help.  Since you already tried caregivers, that is a good start.  Keep trying on that front.  Spring will be here shortly and that much more fun with a baby/toddler.

I would sign up for some baby and me classes to try to find like people to start to build a supportive friend group.  As other have said, trying a faith community can help too.  There are faith communities for every kind and level of faith.  If you post what you would seek, people here can point you in the right direction.

Ultimately, if you cannot find a group, you may need to be proactive in developing one.  Host a block party, invite the people at your baby and me classes to your home, creating  a new parent group at your chosen faith community….. Be prepared to do the heavy lifting.

Don’t worry about other people when you take your baby out.  One thing I have learned about parenting, is to lower your expectations to zero. Expecting people to be happy to see your baby when you are out and about is way way too high.  Be happy about your baby. Be happy about being able to take your baby out and about.  Be happy with your baby and your SO.  If someone responds with a smile, that is a bonus.

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