Reply to Custody Schedule - School year vs. Summer

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Switch off full weeks.  There are fewer translations.[/quote]

I failed to mention in the original post that one big concern is the child has more behavior issues at school after having been with the other parent, hence why I think a school year vs. summer schedule makes sense.[/quote]

The thing you have to understand is what you think makes sense doesn't really matter. Your ex clearly disagrees. And so, your choices are to basically spend lots of money suing over this, which will put your kid in the middle, and you very likely may lose.

BTW, the school "documenting" a "disability" isn't relevant to this.

Have you spoken to a lawyer?[/quote]

Yes, I have spoken with many lawyers. When I say it makes sense, I mean it works for the kid based on the child custody factors. And our child having a disability is especially relevant. [/quote]

All you said is a school "documented" a "disability." That's not a diagnosis, unless I missed something.

And yes, we know you think it makes sense. You've been very clear about the fact that this is what you want to have happen. But your problem is your ex doesn't agree. Understandably so. And so you have to spend a lot of money to make this happen, it will be contentious (affecting your child's mental health and behavior) and you very well may lose.

I'm curious -- what did your laywers tell you when you asked them? Because I get the sense that they said something similar to what I'm saying and you don't like it or you wouldn't be trying to find anecdotal evidence to the contrary here. [/quote]

The child has a diagnosis and an IEP. My lawyer said I have a good chance due to all the evidence I have and the patterns the other parent has engaged in (also evidence unrelated to the diagnosis), but of course that there isn't a way to be 100% certain with how a judge will rule. The lawyer has also stated that the other parent is not one who will negotiate or settle, so trial is going to be an unfortunate necessity. [/quote]

You need to consider the impact of that on your child. Also, judges are not fond of informal arrangements, so saying things like you'd be flexible on after-school visits and whatnot isn't going to fly in court.  From a judge's perspective, you're effectively trying to cut one parent out of the child's life for 10 months of the year in a formal arrangement. If the other parent wants to be involved, that's going to be a very hard thing to overcome and you will have to fight nasty in court. What impact will THAT have on the child to be put in the middle? Talk about the behavioral problems THAT might cause.

[/quote]

The other parent is cut out of the other child's life. We have a weekday after school visit currently that is scheduled. That can be increased to two per week if the other parent wants it, although I have offered it and they haven't wanted to. [/quote]

Now I'm confused as you indicated you had a 50/50 arrangement in place now that you wanted to change.[/quote]

Ok, that changes my feedback somewhat. I thought you were trying to change a 50/50 status quo, which would be harder than getting something set at the onset. That said, it also probably changes the feedback of others' as well as getting that documentation about school behavior problems during time spent with the other parent will be harder or less convincing since presumably there's less of it. It's one thing to be able to document an entire school year of problems and the kid's in the principal's office every time s/he is with the other parent, but from the sound of it that's not what you have.

Also, a case could be made that one week-on, one-week on may be less disruptive from a transition standpoint once the child gets accustomed to it and that you should give it a chance to work. I wonder if you can really make a case that being with the other parent is disruptive if there isn't a sustained amount of time spent there -- if anything, a judge may rule for 50/50 to give stability a better chance. Also, as your child ages and matures it may be less of an issue.

If the other parent wants 50/50, IMO, you have an obligation to give that a go. You seem to be more anticipating problems and control your child's access to and interactions with the other parent. [/quote]

There are other factors involved, such as the fact that the other parent doesn't have financial stability. They struggle with maintaining a job and paying debt (there is a record of judgments), and thus their housing is also inconsistent. It is true that I am worrying about what could happen because things are working right now with the current arrangement. I make sure our kid is taken care of in all ways and have the ability to do so, and I am also the one to encourage and facilitate the relationship with the other parent.[/quote]

Believe it or not, most of what you said has no bearing on child custody. It's not like judges strip parents living in homeless shelters of custody. And financial stability isn't a thing -- although maybe you might owe some child support to help provide a more stable environment at the other parent's home if your incomes are that disparate.

Or is that what you're really trying to avoid?[/quote]

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