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Reply to "Parents in 70s plan trips without consulting adult children"
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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]A few things: -Ignore the posters who are trying to make you feel like you need to appreciate and enjoy these visits. They do not sound enjoyable at all. You can love and appreciate your parents without being fine w them walking all over you and imposing on you. -make some actual boundaries. tell them no and stick to it. Tell them going forward they must ask before they visit to make sure it’s a good time for you. Then if they ignore you and plan another visit without asking tell them “that time doesn’t work for us.” If they still show up at your house, tell them it’s not a good time and they cannot stay with you. Be firm. They’ll be upset but they’ll see that you mean what you say. When they are visiting and want you to give up everything (meeting up w a friend, etc) for them tell them you will not do that. And don’t! It’ll be very difficult for you but it can be done! Tell them clearly what you are able/willing to do with regards to their visits and what you are not able/willing to do. And stick w what you say. If you tell them “I can drive you to sisters house on Saturday at 8am” and they aren’t ready to go at that time tell them “this is the only time I have to do this. If you cannot leave now, you’ll have to get a ride from someone else.” They are taking advantage of you and being very inconsiderate of you. That is not the behavior of a parent/grandparent who wants to have a good relationship w their kids/grandkids. It’s unfortunate they are putting you in this position but they are NOT going to change unless you set and actually enforce some boundaries. [b]Oh and the getting to the airport 7 hrs early thing is very concerning to me. My MIL has dementia and she was like that in the early stages before we knew she had dementia: she would be at everything way early or way late. She just couldn’t manage time well at all and was often confused about the timing of things, and she just lost the ability to plan ahead or figure out how much time something took, as all her executive functioning skills began to diminish. I’d look into that/ask your parents why they left so early and try to figure that out. [/b] [/quote] This. They lose their concept of time, and their night/day circadian rhythm breaks down. Look up "sundowning". Or maybe they did it to wake you up and punish you, which is so spiteful and nasty and weird that it's hard for me to believe it. Really what person in their right mind goes to the airport so far in advance? Lack of planning and executive function skill may also be contributing to their sudden travel. They might not have the ability to plan over a 6-month period anymore. [/quote] +1 Chiming in to say that MIL had similar behavior that should have been a early clue to the onset of dementia that followed. But no one picked up on it.[/quote]
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