Reply to at a loss as to how to make DH see reason...

Forum Index » Expectant and Postpartum Moms

Reply to "at a loss as to how to make DH see reason..."

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]So I am pregnant with my first, due in 8 weeks (all things going to plan).  His parents have told him that they need to be called when I go into labor so they can be here for the birth and visiting in the hospital afterwards (they live 3 hours away).  They are planning on staying in the area for a week after the birth.  I do not want this, nor do I want them at the hospital, I only want DH.  [b]My parents, who are local, will come visit if I want in the hospital as well, but I want to wait and see how I feel. [/b] DH will not back down, and says this parents deserve the same rights as mine, and they are coming whether I like it or not.  I don't really want anyone around at the hospital, or when I get home, trying to BF, bleeding, etc.

I have tried everything-backing off, coming back at it, calmly, yelling, appealing to his better sense-he just won't listen to me about wanting privacy, all he can talk about is how it's not fair my parents will be around and his aren't.  My mom will most likely spend some time overnight when we first come home, and he's now saying that his mom should be able to as well, since it's only fair.  I just don't know wtf to do anymore...he's never been like this before!

Am I being unreasonable, or is he?[/quote]

So your parents also want to come to the hospital to visit, but they're planning to wait to see how you're feeling and will wait for your call to let them know you're ready for a visit, right? If your DH wants equal access for his parents, then it sounds like they need to be willing to wait for that same call about how you're feeling. You may very well feel up to visitors in the hospital, and in a lot of ways it could be easier to have people visit you there rather than at home. You may also not feel so great and need your time in the hospital to rest and recover. Is it possible his parents are pressuring him for more time?

I agree with other PPs who've said you and your husband need to be on the same page about this. Having kids really throws the whole "everything needs to be fair" thing out the window. Yes, both sides of the family are excited about a new baby, but you're the one who's going to give birth and need to recover, and that does mean you should have a greater say in who does and doesn't come over and for how long in the very early days. Barring any major complications, I think most parents would benefit from a little time on their own before any relatives come to stay. We had a week to ourselves after each of our children was born, and especially with the first that was so nice for both of us - we got to settle in a bit, bumble through things in pajamas all day, and start to get comfortable with our new baby.

There's also a huge difference between the kind of family whose idea of coming over to visit means holding the baby for an extended period of time, and oh, are you making anything for dinner? and the kind of family whose idea of a visit is holding the baby briefly, dropping off dinner, and saying they hope you get some rest. You can probably guess which kind of family is more helpful to have around. I was making my mother dinner when she came to visit my newborn daughter, whereas my MIL dropped off food and picked up diapers on her way over. Anyone who wants to visit in the very early weeks, and particularly anyone who wants to stay in your home, needs to be the helpful kind of visitors or they're going to drive you and your husband mad when you're already sleep deprived.

[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics