Reply to Perpetually lonely and miserable -- will I ever be happy?

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[quote=Anonymous]Hey OP - I am East Asian, came to US at 4 years old. Similar childhood as you with expectations from parents except without the moving around part. Always feeling outside of the group. To be honest this is a common immigrant experience. I don’t say this to minimize your experience but to encourage you that there are other people out there who understand and more and more literature too. Read A Beautiful Country, recently published about a Chinese girl who immigrated here with her parents. Her story isn’t exactly like yours but I think it is nice to read things were people are experiencing the same feelings as you.

Fwiw, 18-23 were the hardest years for me. I remember being so excited to get to college to get out of my miserable home situation (where my parents monitored my every move and social life similar to yours). People who minimize and play this down don’t understand how subtlety traumatizing a child hood like this is. I’m sure you can relate but in the summer they would give me so much homework every day. I wasn’t allowed to go outside and play until I finished it all. Realistically if I worked the whole day I wouldn’t finish until 4pm. For example they would make me read as much of a book as possible and find 100 vocab words to memorize which they would then quiz me on when they got home. This is when I was 8 or 9. I never went to a single “fun camp” where you go outside and play. That might sound like no big deal to some but it is a soul sucking way to live out a childhood.

Anyway, hang in there. Get a therapist or stay in therapy. Pick up an activity you enjoy - exercise, studio art… consider graduate school… and if you do definitely join a club or two! You need one friend to start.

I’m almost 40 now and I promise you things get better. Early 20s are seriously so overrated although I realize some people have a great time. One thing I will say is that no matter how awful it feels there is a sense of immense possibility at 20 that might feel like a burden in the moment, but in retrospect it’s the one thing I really miss about the season of life. [/quote]

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