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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here.

It's incredibly frustrating -- post after post, people point out that addiction is a real, legitimate reason for divorce, don't get involved with an addict, it's only a matter of time, once an addict, always an addict.

But this isn't a problem? I don't get it. Seriously.

I appreciate that I might be coming from an emotional standpoint somewhat and I'm not an expert and appreciate the insights and recommendations. I've gone to Al-anon and the message I received for years was RUN if you come across someone who is an addict. I think the saying was "don't collect broken toys."

I am worried about my sister. I am worried about my nieces and nephew. I'm not a terrible person. I'm care about my family and have gone through a lot.[/quote]

It might be a problem.  It isn't right now!  (And it's not YOUR problem. No one is saying that YOU have to date or marry someone with a history of addiction.)  He's been sober for 15 years.  You aren't really justified in shunning your sister and her husband because he was an addict who has demonstrated that he can and will remain sober long term.  He was sober when she met him, and he's still sober.  Indeed, you had no idea that he struggled with addiction in the past, and you've known him a decade, suggesting that he's got things under control.  Sure, you don't have to see him or her, and you can distance yourself, because everyone gets to decide what they are willing to accept, but I don't really see how torching your relationship with your sister and her family helps anyone.

And it's gross to refer to another human being as a "broken toy."  You can decide that you don't want to date or be friends with someone who has ever struggled with addiction.  But it's disgusting to say that they are not worthy of love or of being in relationships, not matter how long and how successfully they've dealt with their addiction.  And your sister is entitled to make a different choice.  [/quote]

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