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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here.

Man, you all are brutal!

At the same time, rereading my post, stripped of personalities and interpersonal dynamics, I can see how it reads to others.  Your responses also helped me see where my error may be - blaming my SIL, instead of blaming my MIL. She's setting us all up for this. Not intentionally, but not without considering the imposition apparently.

Admittedly, I don't have all the info because I don't deal with the arrangement making. I have *assumed* that SIL wanted to host, but perhaps she is being coerced into it by MIL. I might clarify this with DH. I'm pretty sure his understanding is the same.

We have no problem getting a hotel room; our in-laws insisted we stay at their place. But that doesn't solve the space issue regardless, whether we are staying at their place or in a hotel or AirBnB.

In the end, I think we minimize our number of days there, offer to get together for dinner in a restaurant with SIL & BIL when we *are* in town and that's it. They're clearly not interested in spending time together, and that's okay.[/quote]

Another problem is that “you” (your family) aren’t staying with MIL/FIL.  Seems like you and DH are, and SIL gets the kids.  You are foisting your kids on SIL.

Now, like you say, there are interpersonal issues…but I would be LIVID if I was expected to host my DH’s nieces while the parents enjoy a relaxing time with my ILs away.  But I am not very comfortable caring for other people’s children overnight.  At least before it seemed like a tradeoff, since you and your DH were watching their kids some.  Now it’s just a terrible imposition!

I fixed this by telling my DH that in no possible way am I to be left caring for my nieces alone.  I don’t mind them being here, but MIL needs to be here too.  She knows them so much better.  I see them once a year!

In your situation, I would drive to save $$ and get a hotel for your family.

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