Reply to If H takes this job, it’s going to break me.

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I would support him in the job.  If you don’t, he could resent you for it the rest of his life.  He isn’t helping now anyway.  If he takes this job, at least he will be working instead of napping.  It might make you both less resentful.

Also, friend, you need to step it up and take care of your house and children.  Your kids shouldn’t grow up in a house where they have to eat in a dirty kitchen or shower after they poop because their parents are engaged in some kind of passive aggressive battle of wills and neither of them wants to be the first to break and clean the kitchen or buy the toilet paper.  
Get rid of the Fair Play cards.  They aren’t helping.  Figure out systems to get things done around your house without his help.  He isn’t going to help.  And be nice.  Act how you want your kids’ spouses to treat them.  It takes two people to have a screaming match.  Stop your part.

I realize that it sounds like you will be falling into old fashioned gender roles where he is at work all of the time and you are taking care of everything at home, and that feels like you failed in some way, but you have to do what works for your family, and what you are doing now isn’t working for anyone.

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I agree with all this with the caveat that the fact that you begin this path of action now does NOT mean you stay in the marriage.  You can do all of this while you take some time to see if you can convince him to be evaluated for ADHD and eventually to be treated if needed; see if there is a shift in behavior when he gets the job; see if you find it easier when you hire help and lastly, see if you prefer to get divorced.  Good luck, OP!  This sounds like a lot.[/quote]

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