Reply to Our teen only wants to hang out with the “bad” kid

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]You can’t force him not to be friends with him but you can make a difference. First, make sure your son is busy, ideally with a school-based activity. He is drawn to this kid [b]because he doesn’t feel like he belongs[/b]. He’s at a new school and he’s at an insecure age. He needs more friends. Second, invite the other boy over and be sweet and real with him. I’d bet money he acts out because he’s looking for attention, and negative attention is better than the “no attention” he’s getting at home, maybe because his parents are preoccupied with older siblings’ problems. You can help meet his needs and potentially give him a view of a different way of managing his life. He’s not happy either. Be authentic with both of them. Tell your son transparently what you’re concerned about, but do it from a good-hearted, calm and loving place. Don’t be punitive. And tell the other kid what your expectations are of both boys as well. He won’t want to risk losing your son’s friendship, especially if he enjoys being at your (calm, loving, nurturing) home. [/quote]

Thank you to everyone who posted.

This comment above really resonated with me. I do think my son is just trying to figure out who he is and how he fits in. He is in public school and just moved up from a smallish elementary school to a large middle school. He has said that this friend is funny - maybe that is the attraction. Plus, he is very different than his ES friends so maybe some novelty.

Yesterday, a friend of his from elementary school convinced him to join the after-school activity with him (he needed a buddy himself) so my son is going to give that a try after all. I'm very relieved that he's venturing out to join a new group and will hopefully meet new people. He sounded more like himself towards the end of the week - dropped the attitude.

If his friendship with "the kid with concerning behaviors" doesn't fizzle out I will rethink having him come over to our place. But, for now, I'm going to be quiet about the friend (but obviously not any bad behaviors) and see where it leads. 
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