Reply to Anyone else here struggle with your feelings about ppl who don’t work?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I have these sort of involuntary mental reactions to - for example - social media posts from friends whose kids are in school full time but they don’t have a job/ anything they do - and they’re just doing nothing. I work crazy bananas hard and always have - and make a pretty decent salary. At one point I stopped working when the kids were little - but got pretty depressed and went back. Am I just jealous of them? I don’t want to be judgmental so why does my brain do this? I’m sure it is hiding a deeper feeling and my therapist has said I need to figure out what is triggering me [/quote]

I don't struggle with my feelings.  I'm very comfortable judging them.

Our society functions because people work.  Those who choose not to work are riding on the coattails of those who do.  Most/all of them have value to add to society, yet they decline to do so.  That's selfish.

There's a lot of grey space in this perception.  Some SAHM/Ds are contributing through the legitimate care of their young or SN kids while [b]others are somehow okay justifying their days of yoga and book clubs by pointing to their clean house and transportation of middle-schoolers to soccer practice - things the rest of us do on top of full time employment[/b].  Some wealthy unemployed dedicate their lives to worthy causes, while others post on IG for clout.

I don't think this is a matter for therapy.  It's okay to judge poor behavior.  And enjoying the benefits of our society/culture/country while failing to contribute is exactly that.[/quote]

Can I ask you a logistical question? How does someone with a full-time job keep their house clean, get their kids to school/activities and all the other places kids need to be (with all the stuff they need with them for those activities)?

I'm not being snarky, I don't understand how this works. My kids are still young and I am trying to figure out how to make this work as they age into school and the best we've come up with is "hire housecleaners and a nanny to drive them to things and stay on top of laundry/food/etc." And as I'm pricing that out and looking at our salaries.... I am confused as to how other families make this work. I don't want to quit my job to clean the house and chauffeur the kids but I also just do not understand how this works logistically if you really do have two full time jobs, especially if they are both in person jobs and not the kind with flexible hours.[/quote]

Most working couples I know are fortunately able to stagger their work hours, so that one provides more coverage in the morning and the other after school. Or one spouse has a more flexible schedule, as I do. When my kids have activities, my DH takes when they are after 6:30 and I handle any that are earlier and make up the work time after dinner. We outsource most yard work, have groceries delivered, have a cleaning service twice a month, and resort to takeout or incredibly easy dinners during especially busy weeks. Working couples without any scheduling flexibility will often hire an au pair or PT babysitter who drives to handle afternoon activities. But in our case it does mean weekends are not that fun, since we inevitably have cleaning/organizing/errands/activities to manage. And are just plain tired![/quote]

So... given all that:

Couldn't it be argued that a SAHP with school age kids who kept the house clean (eliminating the need for house cleaners), got the kids from school and to activities on time and with everything they needed (eliminating the need for staggered schedules that would require someone to go in very early, or hiring a sitter or au pair to do these things), prepped healthy meals (eliminating the need for meal services and frequent take out and improving the quality of meals overall) is not "riding on the coattails" of working people but is, in fact, working and providing value to their family and to society at large? And that if they sometimes attend a book club or a yoga class, this is just a normal thing for a person to do with their free time and not something to resent or ridicule? And that they are not posting to social media to justify their lives, which are self-justifying, but just because they want to share something on social media?

It just seems like if the way the average two-income family solves the problem of taking care of the house and getting kids to activities and feeding the family does so by spending money on outsourcing and convenience items, and rearranging their schedules, there must be inherent value in instead having one parent stay home. It's weird to argue a SAHP of school age kids is providing nothing of value to society but that a professional house cleaner or a babysitter who performs the same duties for a family with two working parents is. What if the babysitter goes to yoga class after finishing her shift ferrying your kids around town? Does that negate her value to society?[/quote]

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