Reply to What are the bad parts about having three kids?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I’m the OP of a thread similar to this one, but my takeaways are that the main cons are incremental cost (since stopping at two is considered a baseline in that it still provides the experience of multiple kids for both parents and children) and chaos. A lot of which is circumvented by having enough money for a large enough home and support with cleaning, childcare, possibly having one parent stay at home or work part time, birthday parties, camps, tutors, and private school (if needed for SN or wanted for other reasons.) of course many people have money for all of the above and choose to stop at 1 or 2 anyway. Costs will be relative I suppose based on your standards of living.[/quote]

We have no shortage of money for the things you said so the cost hasn't been a negative factor.  Its that your attention and time is so much more divided.  that may be totally worth it in the long run and i'm sure it'll change over time, but just to give some specific examples

- I used to read to my older 2 in the early AM before #3 - now thats impossible to do that (or anything fun with them) because i'm holding the baby who is whining while cooking breakfasts while getting kids dressed etc.  Its just meeting the basic needs to get people safely out the door in the morning versus time to enjoy them

- its harder to spend time as a family because there are so few activities that appeal to all - games and building things are just invitations for the toddler to wreck it, the 6yo has outgrown going to the nature center, the toddler needs full time watching at the playground so i can't kick a ball around with the other 2 anymore. etc etc etc.  So DH and I split up the kids a lot instead of doing things as a family because even if we all go to a museum or something together, we just end up in different parts of it

- we miss games and school events and other things i wish i could be at because of conflicting schedules

- it became impossible to keep a serious full time job for one of us because of the sick days (they're really exponential because they're coming from multiple schools / activities / sources and then work their way through more kids) and the 6 dentist appointments a year and the 4 doctors appointments and the OT appointments for one  etc etc

and on and on.  I do throw a TON of money at it, we have so much help and outsource what we can.  And I wouldn't necessarily change it.  But i did not appreciate how much having a 3rd would cut down on the parts of parenting I find fun (getting to enjoy an activity with a kid, doing things as a full family all together, having the time to give each a longer bedtime 1:1 time, playing with them at home versus supervising) but there's no amount of money that makes the spread of needs based on being in so many different stages disappear unless you're just offloading a kid all the time  [/quote]

Okay, wow. This is exactly what I needed to hear (I'm OP).

I love being a mom more than anything in my life, and I'm obsessed with my children. So I think I figured that since I enjoy this so much, and DH and I are good at it, it means it would be incrementally better/more enjoyable the more you have. But maybe it can be the opposite, at times -- i.e. a third makes it so I can't enjoy the parts of motherhood I loved (doing things as a family, watching them as siblings, bed/bath time cuteness, how they play together, etc. I really didn't think about how the further spread of ages, and the longer you spend in the baby years, puts your cohesive family fun options and shared interests on hold that much longer.

I'm one of three and in retrospect I'm closer with one sister, and my other sister was often dragged to our things and left out.

The money stuff is also so real. Everything is insanely expensive these days.

Anyway, thank you...[/quote]

Not to be a debbie downer, but I have so much fun with them when I only have 2 of them....and feel like everyone is just whining for my attention and frustrated I can't give it in the way they want when I have all 3.  Even given that, I don't think there's a wrong answer because I'm sure in 20 years all of this will be a blur and i'll be glad I have all 3, but right now i'm feeling very acutely missing the way parenting used to be when I could meet everyones needs at the same time and have fun with them (I'm also a parent that really enjoyed actually playing with them / reading to them for a long time at bedtime / snuggling up for a movie or their favorite tv show / helping them with the hard puzzle etc.  In the stage I'm in now it mainly feels like I'm keeping the 1.5yo contained so he's not messing up the other kids stuff while they're frustrated I can't engage in it the way i used to and the 1.5yo is frustrated and whining b/c he can't go mess up the exciting big kids stuff and I feel like most of my parenting time is mediating fights, trying to find things to occupy everyone because I can't personally play with them, cleaning up messes, fetching snacks and water bottles etc.  I still do take the older ones on bigger adventures on the weekends but its now with the guilt that i'm leaving the 1.5 behind)[/quote]

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