Reply to I made a huge mistake. Never should have Married DH. Now what?

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Reply to "I made a huge mistake. Never should have Married DH. Now what?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here. I wasn't trying to go into a lot of details but I guess I have to in order to justify my feelings and frustrations. Here you go.
Dh was first in family to have kids. Enmeshed codependent dynamic. MIL encourages it. FIL passed away years ago.
I was to be induced, and we let both sides of family know that they could come over to meet baby a day or 2 after we got settled at home. Pre-covid baby.
Siblings messaged me angrily asking why they and MIL were not allowed to camp out in hospital and be there when baby born. "How can you all do this to us and mom?"
DH lost his spine (strike 1) and asked if I would reconsider. I said no.
We got home from hospital, i had c section, we reached out to family and let them know they were welcome anytime.
MIL and siblings said they were busy and asked if we could bring the 6 day old baby to their homes.
We said no. DH muttered something under his breath "if you had just let them come to the hospital this wouldn't be happening." 
Theme- i should just go along with what his family wants, despite my own preferences or wishes.
A few days go by, they still had not come over. Until....DH told them that my parents were driving up from out of state. SUddenly they rushed over. They live 15 min away.
They showed up empty handed which I found strange. Not a card, balloon, teddy bear, etc. We asked them if they wanted to hold her. They all said no.
DH had to run to CVS to get a rx for me. While alone with all of them, MIL asked me what was for dinner. Recovering from a section, pumping, nursing. She asked me what the dinner plan was.
I told her it would be super helpful if she could call in or coordinate some take out since I had my hands full. She laughed, thinking I was joking. She then asked to see the menu "from wherever you order from so I can place a to go order for myself."
I could not make this up if I tried.
Dh comes back home. Brother asks DH if he can take him to Dulles in the morning for a flight. We live in Shaw. DH said no. MIL chastised DH for not "supporting family" and not helping his brother.
Mercifully, they go home. They did not see the baby for another 3 months. Declined all visits and had reasons why they were n/a.
I commented on the lack of visits- DH blamed me. "You set the tone and pushed everyone away by not allowing them to come to hospital.
Theme- it is never them and what they do. My reaction is the problem not their actions. 
FFwd to baptism. We invited everyone and they showed up, as if everything were normal and pretending as if they had only met her once. Raving to family about baby's temperament, personality, looks etc. Strange. Fake.
During baptism lunch, DH walked over to brother with baby and asked someone to take a photo of them. He asked brother to hold niece for the first time. He said no. Back at the table, he commented "jokingly" that it was unfortunate we had a girl, because "it was guaranteed a girl child of ours would be the b word."

Mental gymnastics that they are saints and I am always the bad  guy. 100% unwilling to see any faults in them. 100% always my fault. [/quote]

DH lost his spine (strike 1) and asked if I would reconsider. I said no.
[b]OOOH, he *asked* you to *reconsider.*[/b]

We said no. DH muttered something under his breath "if you had just let them come to the hospital this wouldn't be happening." 
[b]OOOH, he *muttered something.*[/b]

They showed up empty handed which I found strange. Not a card, balloon, teddy bear, etc. We asked them if they wanted to hold her. They all said no.
[b]OOOH, they didn't bring a gift or want to hold the baby. WOWWWWW, now it's getting real dead serious.[/b]

DH had to run to CVS to get a rx for me. While alone with all of them, MIL asked me what was for dinner. Recovering from a section, pumping, nursing. She asked me what the dinner plan was.
I told her it would be super helpful if she could call in or coordinate some take out since I had my hands full. She laughed, thinking I was joking. She then asked to see the menu "from wherever you order from so I can place a to go order for myself."
[b]So you said no and just ordered a pizza like a normal person? [/b]

I could not make this up if I tried. 
[b]You should try. You should try to make up more, because none of this is "cut your family off" bad.[/b]

Dh comes back home. Brother asks DH if he can take him to Dulles in the morning for a flight. We live in Shaw. DH said no. MIL chastised DH for not "supporting family" and not helping his brother.
[b]OOOH, someone ASKED for something, and DH said no. What a dramatic story.[/b]

Mercifully, they go home. They did not see the baby for another 3 months. Declined all visits and had reasons why they were n/a.
[b]Wait, which is it? They're horrible people, or you want them to be around you and your baby more? Pick a lane: which is it?[/b]

I commented on the lack of visits- DH blamed me. "You set the tone and pushed everyone away by not allowing them to come to hospital.
Theme- it is never them and what they do. My reaction is the problem not their actions. 
[b]Your reaction is PART of the problem. Sounds like they are fairly selfish and clueles...so why are you complaining that they don't come around more often, again? Which is it?[/b]

FFwd to baptism. We invited everyone and they showed up, as if everything were normal and pretending as if they had only met her once. Raving to family about baby's temperament, personality, looks etc. Strange. Fake.
[b]So now, when they are doing what you want them to do--show up and fawn--they are "fake." Got it.[/b]

During baptism lunch, DH walked over to brother with baby and asked someone to take a photo of them. He asked brother to hold niece for the first time. He said no. Back at the table, he commented "jokingly" that it was unfortunate we had a girl, because "it was guaranteed a girl child of ours would be the b word."
[b]The comment was rude, but not wanting to hold a baby is not rude.[/b]

In the car on the way home, I declared to DH that I was done. He repeated the refrain- "well maybe if you had not pushed my family away and been a bi$ch to them, none of this would be happening. You made them feel unwelcome and now we are paying the price."
[b]You have been a b to them. Out of one corner of your mouth, you are complaining that they don't visit/hold baby/bring gifts. But when they do, they are "fake." You go on and on about how horrible they are--so you want them to be around more? PICK A LANE.[/b]

Mental gymnastics that they are saints and I am always the bad  guy. 100% unwilling to see any faults in them. 100% always my fault. [/quote]
[b]You want to talk mental gymnastics? "My ILs are horrible people who treat us badly...AND they don't visit enough! AND when they do visit, they're fake!" There's your mental gymnastics.[/b][/quote]

DH's family has entered the chat[/quote]

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