Reply to Is 14 too young for gf/bf?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Getting into a relationship at 14 was developmentally normal when kids then got married at 18 or 20. Now, there is no developmental need or benefit to being in a relationship at 14. Fouteen year olds don't need relationship experiences.

I wouldn't invite her over. They can go to a coffee shop or hang out at lunch at school. [/quote]
That’s absurd, they can meet up at a coffee shop but they can’t hang out at your house? [/quote]

Thats right. If they can fnd a few minutes and do the work to be together for a short amout of time in a public place - good for them. What I won't do is enable or encourage a serious relationship by inviting them to spend extended amounts of time alone together in a home.[/quote]
No one said leaving them alone in your house was the option. How is walking around and going to a coffee shop, where incidentally they can detour through a park to make out or whatever, better than them hanging out at your house with your family around? [/quote]

Of course at home they are going to end up cozied up together - they are boyfriend and girlfriend and are in a private, comfortable environment. Of course not in the first 15 minutes of the first visit. Some parents decide to put condoms in the bathrooms so they can use protection when they have sex. You can encourage whatever relationships you want in your kids.

I don't want my 14 year old in a serious emotional or sexual relationship so I won't be enabling by spending extended private time alone together in comfortable spaces in a home - be it a bedroom or a downstairs rec room or whereever. If they make out in a park in the cold - good for them, that is what a 14 year old can do. They know I think they are too young at that age to be in a long term serious committed emotional or sexual relationship so they aren't expecting me to invite their crush over so they have a comfortable space where they can be alone together and get to know each other on a deeper emotional and physical / sexual level. Do I care if they 'date' in a group or sneak a kiss at a coffee shop - no. My kids get why I think it isn't healthy and they have seen friends hurt by going too deep too fast so they are on the same page as me and don't mind that I am not encouraging a serious relationship when they are in middle school / early high school. They understand why I want them to maintain a diverse group of friends and not be only invested in one person and spend all their free time with one person at this age.

People are different. Parent how you see fit. [/quote]
They only end up cozied together in your home if you allow it. You can allow them to hang out at your home with the understanding that they will not be alone in bedrooms, basements, etc. You are also jumping right to they are going to be having sex, there is a whole lot of middle ground between 14 year olds dating and 14 year olds having sex, just like there’s a middle ground between hanging out at your house and cozying up alone in bedrooms or rec rooms. [/quote]

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