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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Man here, also in tech. The problem with the apps is 20% of the guys get 80% of the girls. They all want the adventurous, buff, male model type. It's difficult to make your personality or qualities show on there. There's just too much competition.

Focus on real life situations. #metoo has made meeting people at the gym and other places tougher as there's a fine line between flirting and being branded a "creep". Instead, go to activities you like and tend to draw women in a casual environment, like a book club, hiking, kickball, or similar hobbies.

Do you like any crafting? If Michael's offers classes, those will be full of women and probably the type that may work for you. I know when I go there with the family, it's almost all women in there and they seem nice.

Or just go grocery shopping on a Saturday evening. Lots of single women who are homebodies do it then from what I've observed.

Also go read "The Game" by Neil Strauss. Yes, it's a PUA book, but that doesn't mean you have to become that. It may give you ideas how to build confidence, if you're lacking in that. It's also a good read just as a story, as he's a good writer in general. But don't get sucked into the PUA world -- lots of guys in tech end up going that route but they over-analyze everything and never really have fun, nor do their dates.[/quote]

Guy here, non tech and married, and this is terrible advice from top to bottom.

Plenty of ordinary guys get dates from the apps. That is not your problem. More on that.

Going to crafting classes as a single guy? The girls are not there to meet a guy, and you will come off like a creep or a closeted gay guy.

Don't try to pick up women in the grocery store. Again, women are not there to meet you, and unless you are Tom Brady, they are going to think you are a creep. This isn't a rom com.

And don't read those PUA books. They are a waste of time and money. It's a scam just like any of the get-rich-quick books.

Here is one likely issue: a lot of tech people are highly introverted, to the point of being selfish. It's like pulling teeth to have a conversation that is not squarely within their wheelhouse of interests and expertise. If that sounds like your issue, work on small talk, not for the sake of small talk, but because it will train you how to think about other people in social situations, to ask questions, to take interest in things that are not already your interests, to draw others out, to make others feel comfortable. Just go out and meet people (men and women) and work on your social skills.

Another likely issue is that your sights are set too high. If you are swiping and getting no matches, then you have your answer. There are women out there in the same boat. A lot of the frustration with dating apps is people with an inflated sense of their own attractiveness. I mean, if you think you're life is boring, why would an exciting, dynamic person want to join you?

Which brings me to my last point, don't rely on someone else to make your life interesting. Go out and travel, try new things, get ripped, become an endurance athlete, do some art, read through a list of the best American novels, etc. If you come home and surf reddit and make the same old dinners, you are not growing. Cultivate the growth mindset and the women will come to you.[/quote]

If there isn’t already an award for best DCUM post of the year, there should be, and the above should be the 2022 winner.

-woman married to (a great) introverted guy[/quote]

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