Reply to This is the first year in 13 years that I have completely dropped the rope with DH’s family

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Sounds like this was a good decision for you personally, but what effect does this have on your kids? Will they now get unwanted gifts from the in-laws? Will their relationship with them suffer.

In my extended family one of my nephews wives does a similar divide and conquer with her husband. The net result is that we rarely get to see those kids. Her family gets a massive amount of time and access. Over time the relationship and respect towards that family has deteriorated.  It’s unfortunate because we love them dearly but rarely get to see those kids. I see my other nieces and nephews and their children regularly. It’s a close and functional family but there is always this undercurrent of tension.[/quote]

Why is that the OP’s problem??

Good for you, OP! I did the same when my kids were younger and shocker: my DH didn’t pick up any of the physical or emotional labor. That has, indeed, resulted in a less close relationship with his side of the family but how/why am I supposed to do everything for both sides?!?![/quote]

There’s that ridiculous ohrase again - “emotional labor”. Gag! Stop with that nonsense. Maintaining relationships is not “liabor”. I’m not saying you have to put the work into his side of the family but that term you keep using is utter crap. [/quote]

Since it's so easy, why don't you do it for her then?

My dh doesn't even know if/when we're visiting his parents (who are a 3 hour drive away) over the Christmas holidays. Yes, Christmas is in 6 days. His family could help him by picking up the phone and calling but they won't. He's slammed. I work even longer hours, make more money, and have already planned everything else for our family and kids. No way am I adding to my burden. [/quote]

[b]Your first comment is just childish. You sound like a toddler. [/b]

As for the rest, we’ll then sure. If YOU are carrying the bigger load with money and career, yes HE should do the “emotional labor” more. See how it works? It’s called team work. [/quote]

No, it's a good point.  Why don't you do it, if it's absolutely no labor at all?[/quote]

Well in my family I do. And no, it’s a stupid point. How is it you’re the bread winner if you’re this dumb? [/quote]

DP. You are very focused on money. I assume you’re doing all this work to stay close to the in laws because you see a big pay day coming your way. Some of us aren’t so focused on cashing out on our families. [/quote]

Nope. Focused on helping my DH out when he works so hard for us. What “pay day” would there be? They have zero money. I just don’t think it’s all that hard to help out when I’m the one focused on the more domestic side of the family. [/quote]

Good for you.  Why do you think your niece should be "focused the domestic side of the family" that relates to your family, not hers?[/quote] I don’t have a niece. [/quote]

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