Reply to FTM here, how to get my mother to understand Facebook privacy re: the baby?

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[quote=Anonymous]Literally had almost the same exact conversation with my mom, however, I did not post any "belly" pictures of myself. What she did was scan a photocopy of my ultrasound that she asked for and I gave her. I didn't even post this on my own FB page and was annoyed because, like your mom, my mom's FB page is not private. We had a discussion and she was miffed at first but basically gets it. I taught her how to control her privacy settings and made her promise to take it easy. She basically does, which is unbelievable given the massive amounts of frustration involved getting there.

Another thing that bothered me about my mom was how much "ownership" she was taking over my kid's pictures and my pregnancy. She was posting weird details about me "she is not getting cervical checks so we don't know how long it will be but I bet she's dilated, the baby has already dropped" based on guesses she was taking of photos she saw of me! I was like W.T.F. mom, stop. My mom and I are not close, and have not been close since I was a really young child, and there are major issues between us related to things she allowed to happen while I was growing up. My childhood was a nightmare. However, she's come a long way and I really try to have a relationship even though I am still only comfortable at arm's length at best. Anyway, I think a HUGE part of the way she behaved so over-involved in my pregnancy, and as if she had the right to share that info, as well as my strong, negative reaction to it, was that it was like trying to bang a round peg into a square hole. We weren't close, so I resented her trying to pretend to all of facebook that it was this big special "my daughter is pregnant and we are experiencing it together" like we're so close. And of course, she just wants to be close to me. I can't really blame her, but I can't completely get there, so when she tries to fake it or force it on me, I withdraw or get resentful. (and yes, I've done therapy!).

I ended up really cutting myself off from her for most of my pregnancy. I just really needed the space and for whatever reason, I felt like becoming a mom brought out all sorts of feelings I thought I'd adequately dealt with about how my mom basically stopped parenting me and allowed a ton of crazy bad stuff to happen to me, it just came back, even though she's apologized, turned her life around, etc. I think it was a combination of the introspection that naturally comes when you're trying to decide what kind of mother YOU want to be, and how to avoid going down the same path, that brings all of those things to the forefront. Especially because she tends to try to portray to all of her friends that we are so super close. I can't even begin to say the weird stuff this has entailed, posts on facebook would drive me nuts, she'd be posting stuff like "when I was a girlscout leader with ___, we just loved eating smores!" on a picture of someone else doing same with their kid. Except I was never a girl scout and she was CERTAINLY never a troup leader! Just insane. And then I think, does she think I don't see this? What if I called her out on this stuff?

Wow, I've taken this thread for a detour. Sorry about that. But maybe some of this will speak to you. Here is my advice to resolve the issue overall. Put your own mom on limited access, and also put anyone who would reference your facebook to her on the same type of limited access. In other words, aunts, uncles, etc. Any pictures you post can be hidden from that group. I wouldn't go so far as to say that you don't post photos yourself, but if she can't see them, then she can't say "well you can post but I can't? And stay firm.  [/quote]

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