Reply to Anyone have a mother who likes to be stabby on your Birthday?

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Reply to "Anyone have a mother who likes to be stabby on your Birthday?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Oh gawd, the Cut Them Off! contingent is out in full force today.

OP, ignore these drama queens who don't want your best interest any more than your mom appears to want it on your birthday. Surely you can handle your problems in direct conversation with your mother.[/quote]

I think most people are assuming that OP has already tried addressing this with her mother. The kind of mental illness OP is describing doesn't pop up overnight. Why would you assume she hasn't? You openly admit that her mother doesn't have her best interests. What kind of mother doesn't have her child's best interests, especially on her birthday? Doesn't that seem sick to you? Do you really think people with mentally ill family members need to be told to "try to have a direct conversation"?

[/quote]

Direct conversation, hahaha.

Daughter: Mom, I've noticed that you have done x, y, and z on my past birthdays, and that makes me feel [names her emotion]. I'd like you to instead [names what she wants].
Mom: I did not do any of that! You are making things up.
Daughter: OK, here's the card you sent me in which you said I am ungrateful and undeserving of birthday wishes.
Mom: [Refuses to look at the evidence.] Why are you always attacking me? I told you I didn't do that. 
Daughter: I just showed you the card. 
Mom: If you weren't always being so belligerent with me, perhaps I could say something nice on your birthday! What about when you did [names some childhood offense on daughter's part]. You have always been an ungrateful child! I don't know what I did to deserve having such an unloving, ungrateful child! I gave you so much, and you ruined my life! I might as well die now! I bet you'd like it if I died! Well, I won't give you the pleasure! 
Daughter: OK, I have to leave now.
Mom: Everyone always leaves me! You don't love me at all! Come back here right now! I said RIGHT NOW [as if the daughter is a child].

So if you would enjoy having the above conversation over and over with some variations, go ahead and try direct conversation! The above exchange goes better than most because the daughter has learned to walk away and not engage in the craziness, but most younger women will not have developed the skills. [/quote]

I didn't know I had a sister.

My mom was visiting last month and started verbally attacking me out of nowhere. It sounded liked she was blaming me for her divorce from my father when I was a very young child or something like that. I had no idea what she was talking about. Then she cried.

That was 40 years ago. My dad's remarried, she remarried (and is now widowed for 10 years). Get the f over your first husband forever ago.[/quote]

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