Reply to Seeking productive advice for how to deal with ‘always on’ houseguests

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[quote=Anonymous][i]all they want and expect to do is talk, and passive aggressively whine when we do anything else. “We came here to see YOU!” Yes, and you are seeing us for virtually every waking hour for several days, but I’m going to let the kids play with their toys, go ride their bikes, and I have laundry to do, and may run out to see my cousin who lives one town over, etc. Any mention of anyone leaving the house, doing their own thing, or reading a book is “rude.”[/i]

THIS is the passage that's the real issue, then.

Your DH (not you--your DH, their adult son) flat out tells them, nicely but clearly, "I've noticed that you get up earlier than we do on holidays. We're going to be up later than you because that's our schedule. I would appreciate your switching on the coffee that's already set up for you. Then please help yourself to some and it'll be ready when we come down which is a big help. By the way, today, DW is seeing her cousin for a holiday visit and will be out most of the day. I thought I'd take you and dad to (wherever) this afternoon." And so on. Announce, don't ask. Don't give them enough lead time to complain before the fact, just go and do with a quick heads-up. They sound insecure and anxious about Not Having Anything to Do. I'd give them tasks, actually--helping the kids put together a puzzle, helping decorate something, writing out their recipes for you, anything.

A good reply for when they try "We came here to see YOU" and complain is for DH to say: "And we're glad you're here to see us. For us that means talking but it also means you're here to see us in our day to day lives and laundry and kids dont' go on hold over the holidays, right? If I don't do laundry today, I won't have any clean clothes for Christmas Day. Be back in a while. There are fresh cookies in the kitchen so please help yourself." Or would you like to fold laundry with me?" Note that I have DH saying this. He handles his folks as you would handle yours, if they were the issue. [/quote]

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