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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]There’s a lot of flippant posters suggesting divorce who clearly don’t understand how much a divorce can destroy the lives of children and grandchildren. I have lived through two divorces of my dad and I deal with the consequences still now as an adult. It impacts everything. And remarriage makes the lives of your children and grandchildren very difficult, so many more families and dynamics to navigate. There’s never enough time for everyone and it’s exhausting figuring out every holiday with 4 sets of grandparents. We also get far less support from them  since step parents don’t feel the obligation to help their step grandchildren the way my friends whose parents remained married seem to and always prioritize their bio kids.

Divorce is not just something you resort to when the first year of your life is hard after a baby. News flash - the first year after a baby is born sucks for most people. This is backed by evidence. Parenting is hard and it can be a huge disconnect to realize that after you have longed for it for so long (and the. realize you basically lost your freedom and ruined your existing life as you knew it). Happiness does not increase after divorce (studies show this) due to increased stressors of single parenting, finances, etc. take your marriage vows seriously and try and work on yourself and your marriage. You’re owe it to your kid. [/quote]

Go away. OP's husband doesn't seem to want a wife and kids. Nothing OP can do to change that. While a baby is a lot of work, DH and I were a team and we did it together and supported each other and took care of each other while also taking care of the baby and adjusting to our new leave. I literally cannot imagine my DH acting like OP's husband. [/quote]

OPs husband is acting immaturely but do you suggest divorce after every rough patch in the marriage? No, you do not. Or you will find yourself divorced, remarrying someone, and then having issues with them because you never figured out that 1) all marriages have difficult times and rough patches; 2) marriages take work - a lot of it; 3) there will be good and bad times, always. There are issues here but every marriage has issues. It’s unfair to project your feelings and expectations about your husbsnd onto OP.

The baby will want his or her parent married. I don’t hear there is abuse, alcoholism, or neglect. I don’t hear that the dad is a gambling addict, just that he has a hobby he enjoys too much and he isn’t prioritizing what OP wants him to, which is family. I suspect he is having a difficult time adjusting to being a dad and probably has a ton of unresolved trauma and grief from a stillborn child. OP needs a therapist first before she should even consider a divorce. She needs to be able to tell her kiddo she did everything she could to fight for her marriage. She can’t say that right now. [/quote]

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