Reply to Your thoughts on how to solve this recurring marital disagreement/issue

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[quote=Anonymous]Okay - so I agree with a previous poster that this is a conversation that should happen in a general way outside of a specific incident.

A few parts to this conversation that are key:

1) I've noticed this pattern. 
2) I love you, I don't like being at odds with you, and I'd like to get on the same page so we don't fight about this any more. 
3) A feelings discussion. There are feelings here. Ignore them at your peril. You're seeing the practical problem, but don't start there. I would try something like "it seems like it's important to you that we handle small household fixes ourselves. Why is that?" and hear him out! Might be about money, but I doubt it. I would guess that it's tied into a vision for what a homeowner does, some assumptions based on his childhood, perhaps even what a father, or a husband, or a man, is in charge of. Don't suggest. Listen. Echo back. Put on your best imitation of a therapist for a hot minute. 
4) Planning. I would spell out a few options. "Okay, I can understand that. Here's the problem. I am not interested in doing this work myself. I can understand why you think it's valuable, but this isn't fulfilling work for me. I am happy if you want to do it. I'm happy to take the lead on hiring professionals to do it as well. What do you think is the best way to deal with this moving forward?" Try to work towards a solution you're both comfortable with.

I cannot stress enough that part three needs to be the longest part of this discussion.

My guess would be that at the end of the discussion you'll land on something like, you get three months, if it's not done, I'll deal with hiring and managing a professional to get it done. If it does turn into a money discussion (pending point #3) then you may want a line item in your budget or just a flat amount you can work with (for annual small handyman-type tasks you have a budget of say, $5k) so you pick and choose what's important to you and triage. [/quote]

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