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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I am a therapist. This would have to be reported.

And I agree with the PP, this should not be your biggest concern.[/quote]

What? Because he grabbed the kid? God help our culture if we think it's better to lock up a parent or divorce him because he grabbed his kid too hard in a moment of frustration. Where is the compassion? Where is the proportionality? It really doesn't sound like he was trying to hurt the kid. Maybe he didn't realize how much force he was applying. Maybe he didn't realize the point at which he woudl leave a mark. And what's "a mark," anyway - a bruise? The slight discoloration in skin that comes from pressure or heat and then dissipates after a few seconds? As long as he now acknowledges that he squeezed too tight, I think everyone needs to get over it.[/quote]

+10000[/quote]

I am a different poster and agree with this. It’s legal to spank your kids. He needs better emotional regulation but this isn’t CPS-worthy IMO. And I am a mandated reporter and have reported to CPS before.[/quote]

Each state is different, but in DC and MD where I've been a mandated reporter, it's not legal to spank your kid, or otherwise physically discipline your kid (which is what this is about) in a way that leaves bruises.

A therapist or teacher or other professional could lose their career if something like this isn't reported.  [/quote]

Since this was neither spanking nor bruises, doesn’t sound like that’s at issue here.[/quote]

Right. This isn't a situation where someone is "disciplining" a child in a way that someone else disagrees with. I do think that "spanking" as discipline is abusive. I get that a lot of people don't think that, and there are rules. At CPS, there are rules about what physical discipline can be used and when, specifically to differentiate it from abuse.

A parent losing his temper and putting his hands on a child such that marks were left that could be photographed is not "discipline." It is "abusive parenting." I don't think that the OP's husband is a monster who the OP should divorce and report herself, but I do think that there is very little to be gained by suggesting that what happened here was an appropriate response to the situation. I agree (as a therapist and former CPS worker) that getting involved with CPS is bad news for any family, worse if they are poor or non-white, but that doesn't change the reality that this man put his hands on a child in anger and left marks. There are real legal definitions of that and real consequences for them. Those things should not just be blithely set aside because y'all think this is excusable.

If I, as a therapist, agreed to see this couple and this incident was reported to me and I didn't report it, my license would be in jeopardy. Most likely that would never be discovered, because like the rest of y'all, I don't think that this guy is a monster who should have the book thrown at him. My experience with CPS in the very few cases I had like this was that it was a very quick investigation that didn't often result in any kind of action. But the people who are reporting it are not responsible for investigating. We are responsible for reporting things that meet the threshold of reporting, like a parent putting hands angrily on a child and leaving marks that could be photographed.[/quote]

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