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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]There is actual research on this - marriage is generally very beneficial for men and not for women.  In most marriages the woman is handling so much of what makes a life enjoyable - men benefit from that and women resent the imbalance.  [/quote]

It’s this. Women are over it because they feel like their DH is another child to care for and clean up after. Men are happy because they’ve successfully replaced their mother. They might be unhappy with the amount of sex, but also might recognize that being single at their age doesn’t guarantee much more sex than a reasonable healthy marriage, plus that sex would come with the burden of having to actually put effort into attracting a woman. You think these guys are prepared to romance a woman who doesn’t do all their laundry and make sure their kids have summer childcare and plan their vacations and remember their mom’s birthday and put up with even their shittiest friends? They are not prepared. They know the score and most of these guys are significantly better off staying married, even when it comes to sex.

Meanwhile, women fantasize about joint custody agreements that would force their DHs to actually do childcare, plus living in a home that is not shared with a grown adult who never cleans the bathroom or changes the sheets. There are tons of downsides to divorce but the upsides really target the pressure points for women— too little help with kids and the house, no alone time or true free time. [/quote]

DH and I have a very traditional marriage. We follow the typical and nowadays despised gender roles. We are both very happy. I’m not saying this is for everyone and we didn’t start out this way. But we did discuss very detailed expectations before we got married about stuff like housework and for the most part we stick to it. When our situation changed and I started SAH, we discussed expectations again.

Maybe the answer is simply better communication? [/quote]

That's part of it, but a bigger part of it is commitment to your responsibilities. Lots of men say they will do things but then when it comes time to do it they just don't, or do things really poorly, like giving kids hot dogs every time it's their turn to make dinner.

But for what it's worth I am also in a marriage where we do the typical gender roles. It started out that way probably because we are religious, but even after becoming atheists we have kept it up and it works well for us. I don't love cleaning messes and making dinner, but I'd prefer that to trying to manage working out the home and outsourcing childcare, cleaning, etc. And honestly I haven't mowed a lawn in my life and I plan on keeping it that way. DH doesn't do the nitty gritty kid stuff like enrolling kids in activities, researching the best way to approach a 504 meeting, taking the kids to dentist appointments, and obviously all the childcare during the workday, but he does half the bedtime routine and spends plenty of time with the kids. We didn't actually communicate much about all this. I think we are just both committed to being the best parents and spouses we can be. [/quote]

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