Reply to How do I stop the gifting insanity at the holidays?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Now that my husband and I have grown siblings with families of their own, the gifting at the holidays has gotten out of hand. We have 4 sets of grandparents (multiple divorces), 11 nieces and nephews, and multiple sets of married siblings. My little sister’s birthday is on Christmas and she loves the holiday so any time I have raised the issue (“hey, maybe we could scale the gifts back this year now that we all have families of our own…”) with my family my mom always acts like I’m being Scrooge (“you know you need to talk to your sister about it because Christmas is her favorite holiday and it’s her birthday.”). I have raised the issue with my sister and she gets sad, so the most I’ve been able to do is convince her that my siblings don’t need to buy for each other. But that means I still end up buying for 11 nieces and nephews when we all have way too many toys, anyway. My DH and I also stretched to buy a house last year so I know me bringing this up will be perceived by my family  as me being cheap and having spent too much on our house (our families live outside the DMV and don’t understand the real estate market here).

How can I let people know we want to stop buying gifts for everyone without looking like the cheap ahole? Our families are scattered and don’t get together at the holidays, and attempts to buy smaller gifts I have made in the past have pissed people off (my MIL once hurled a “all you got me for Christmas was that little calendar” at my DH - which was a custom wood block calendar I had made just for her with pictures of her grandkids. DH said he would get her something else that year and never did). I just do not have it in me this year to figure out gifts that every family member can buy for my kids and to tend to their excessive questions and expectations, nor do I want to purchase a million gifts for family members who either don’t need them (adults) or kids who already have too much stuff. [/quote]

In my husband's family, the siblings and spouses used to a do a Secret Santa that had turned into a gift grab over the years. It was a $100 limit, but then it was ok to ask for something "a little" over $100. You were expected to let everyone know, through the grapevine style, what you wanted and then your Secret Santa would buy it for you. I hated it, but dutifully bought the $150 item someone wanted and got my item in return.

Until my SIL (bless her), brought it all to crashing halt one year when she texted all of us right after Thanksgiving and said that due to their financial obligations they could no longer participate. Hooray!

It's never even talked about anymore.

Will you p**** some people off? Yes, that's inevitable. But go ahead and free yourself. Just send a text - soon - saying you are focusing more on experiences or whatever, and you won't be able to participate in the gift giving this year.[/quote]

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