Reply to My mother will not speak to me because I stood up to her

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Looks like OP’s mom is on a roll with the last 3 posts. [/quote]

No, she's not, but I am. I don't know OP or her mom -- only what OP herself has posted. I cannot believe what passes for "toxicity" on DCUM. Such fools, to lose their own mothers over this stupid level of behavior.[/quote]

It's not a loss if the mom is unsupportive and critical.

If that upsets you, it's probably a good time for self reflection.[/quote]

Once again, threads about "boundaries" are always dominated by people giving advice that suits THEIR circumstances. OP spelled out exactly what her complaints were:

"DH and I have not done her bidding— not accepted money from her, did not agree to spend every Thanksgiving with her (she tried to demand it), do not require the kids to speak with her every week (they do not enjoy taking to her because she’s nosy) and opted not to live near her. We’ll, things came to a head and I told her it’s time to stop if she wants a good relationship with us. It’s been crickets for days."

I don't think most parents of adult kids, or most adult kids dealing with parents, would find offering money, wanting to spend thanksgiving together or wishing they lived near each other to be upsetting. Sorry, those are pretty standard things. It's no wonder it's been crickets for days from her mother's end. She's sick of the dramatic reactions to everything she does. I really can't blame her -- again, based on what OP herself wrote not you.[/quote]

+1. I came here from Jeff's daily recap to back you up.

Maybe OP's mother is horrible, maybe not. But nothing OP has mentioned seems horrible or deserving of her dramatic reactions to offers or money or simple requests to spend Thanksgiving together or weekly phone calls. Perhaps if OP gives this some time for reflection, she might see that a little compassion or empathy is warranted on her side. Even scaling down the negativity.

FWIW, my kids are still in school/grad school, talk with me all the time, and are spending Thanksgiving with me. So I have no dog in this fight.[/quote]

Again, how and why are you guys just glossing over the rest of the post where OP describes her mother as scheming, control, manipulative, and critical. Literally no one has a problem with a mother offering money or wanting contact. It's when those things come with strings, insults, and criticisms that the problems come out. What is so difficult to understand about that?[/quote]

Because lots of us have a passive aggressive or critical parent or two and we don’t insult them by calling them “unlikable” for offering us money and then cut them off. We tell them we find this or that *behavior* hard to deal with, that we won’t deal with this or that *behavior*, with the goal of having an adult conversation around the “behavior.” This is parenting 101 with your own kids, btw.

Insulting mom and then not talking to her is the nuclear option. Your willingness to condone it is what’s hard to understand. 
[/quote]

[b]we don’t insult them by calling them “unlikable” for offering us money and then cut them off. [/b]

Again, that is not what happened. Why do you insist on changing OP's narrative to fit your own circumstance?

[/quote]

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