Reply to My mother will not speak to me because I stood up to her

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote]Eh. My mom is really critical of me, and I don't enjoy spending time with her. She's also nosy. However, she does try to be nice to my kids, so I just keep reiterating my boundaries about making unacceptable or mean comments. Could you do something similar?

DP. Do you just reiterate your boundaries and do nothing or are there consequences for your mom crossing the boundaries?[/quote]

The consequence is that my family changes the subject, talks among ourselves, and stops giving her attention, which bothers her immensely.[/quote]

OP here. I've done this with my mother. She gets angry and throws out zingers meant to hit the jugular if I don't stay on the phone. I tell her I don't want to talk about a certain topic anymore, i.e. politics, and then she insults me. So I tell her my kids are doing something crazy and I need to go.[/quote]

It is fine not to call your mom for a while. Really, take this time to read some books like Boundaries and Toxic Parents. Have a nice Xmas without her and you can think through what your relationship might look like in 2023. I am incredibly low contact with my dad. We can go weeks and weeks without communicating. I see him 5 or 6 times a year. Sometimes just a few hours, sometimes overnight. But he is not nearly as bad as your mom. My kids have never heard him criticize me and he is nice to them (because he is barely around, if he hung around something totally out of hand would happen).

You don’t have to spend your life listening to someone criticize you all the time. It doesn’t matter who that person is. And your kids are never going to think someone like this is an awesome grandma. I had a great grandma that was terrible. She was totally mean to everyone. My youngest sister was 4 years old when my grandma took us all over to see great grandma, so I would have been 10. Great grandma yelled at my sister for the backs of her dress shoes touching the couch — not on purpose given she was four and her legs didn’t touch the floor. This was the final straw. My grandma sent us all to the car, but I overheard her tell great grandma that this was the last time she would bring us kids to see her. I remember feeling so very relieved. This woman had been horribly critical of everyone and everything around her the whole 10 years of my life. I have nothing but appreciation for my grandma for protecting us come
This.[/quote]

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