Reply to S/O: 'Magazines are rude' families--what's your deal?

Forum Index » Family Relationships

Reply to "S/O: 'Magazines are rude' families--what's your deal?"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]In the thread about the anxious ILs, a poster said that, in her family, sitting around and reading a book or magazine is considered to be rude. (Her words.)

My ILs are like this. They think that even during multi-day visits in their home or a shared beach house or in our home, that everyone needs to be sitting around "chatting" at all times. People who leave the room are rude; people who read books or magazines are rude; people who want to go for a walk or run an errand without inviting absolutely everyone along to join are rude. We see them multiple times a year--at their house, our house, and in vacation locales that we equally pay for. After YEARS, my husband and I basically established that he can be held captive by them all he wants, but the kids and I are going to read a magazine if we want to, go for a walk or run to the grocery store alone if we want to, or go to a different room to watch TV or make a phone call if we want to.

If your family is the sit in a circle and stare type, what is your deal? Why is it rude for people to relax and do their own thing during visits, especially during holidays or vacations when you are supposed to be relaxing? [/quote]

I think it is HOW you do it, not what you're doing.  Frankly, you sound pretty aggressive about your position so I can see how that might translate to the other people if you act the way you're posting here.  Someone who quietly slips away with a "I am in the middle of a great book and I can't wait to see what happens next.  I'll be reading out on the porch.  Let me know when I can come help start dinner with you!" is much different than the person who grabs a magazine and starts whipping through it wildly while shooting the side eye and grimacing like they are constipated.  In general, how you do something matters more to me than what you do.[/quote]

OP here. That's not how it is, really. I was literally warned by my SIL (who I met before my ILs) while DH and I were still dating--not even engaged--that this was A Thing. There is no graceful exists, there is no acceptable excuse, there's no social nicety that eases this dynamic. DH, SIL and SIL's husband and I tried for YEARS to crack the code with no (or little) hurt feelings. It just wasn't do-able. I tried lines exactly like the one you suggested, and it always and still has been met with, "What's wrong?" or "Why?" or "But we're supposed to BE together!"

So now, my kids and I do say the nice things and do exercise social niceties, but since there is no "acceptable" way to do it, we just accept that...they're going to think something's wrong, they are going to think we're rude, they are going to think we're not "being together" even if we literally just want to watch "Home Alone" after dinner, after a full day of being together, talking or doing the same activities, since breakfast. [/quote]

Okay.  However, I still don't 'get' why you can't just sit there and do what they want to do.  You're a guest in their house.  You are visiting.  Can't you flex a little and go along to get along?  Why does it have to be your way or the highway?  I don't understand people like you, so caught up in being you that you don't see that you're part of a larger framework.  There is something wrong with you if you can't show your husband's parents a little grace while you're visiting them.[/quote]

Okay.  However, I still don't 'get' why you can't just let someone have some time to themself and do what they want to do.  They're a guest in your house.  You are hosting them.  Can't you flex a little and go along to get along?  Why does it have to be your way or the highway?  I don't understand people like you, so caught up in controlling everyone that you don't see that you are part of a larger framework.  There is something wrong with you if you can't show your guests a little grace when they are visiting you.[/quote]

You see, this is why people don't like you and why you don't have friends.   :wink:   You sound like a complete pill.  Frankly, if I were your inlaws, I would gladly let you and your kids go elsewhere.  You don't sound like a very nice person and certainly you don't have any manners.

DP[/quote]

I agree with them. Plenty of people like me and I have more friends than I can reasonably spend time with. Stop being rigid. People will like you better. Insert childish winky face emoji here.[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics