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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Why do so many people post these threads on DCUM? You know damn well all the maladjusted broken people will come out of the woodwork pressuring you be the worst possible version of a DD you can be, instead of helping you deal with your mother the way she is without suffering yourself. Telling you to cut her off instead of helping you have compassion. To only focus on your own feelings and needs instead of the feelings and needs of an elderly person WHO GAVE BIRTH TO YOU AND RAISED YOU. As if you're somehow not capable of being a normal, decent person. As if in your moment of weakness they're urging you "Do it!! Just do it!! Be your worst self! Follow your basest instincts!!!" instead of telling you that you feel bad now but it will get better, that you can handle it, etc.

It's so predictable and disgusting. The people who were raised in a normal way and are healthy get drowned out or don't bother with these threads. You're just getting the worst possible advice, OP. But I'm sure you expected that when you posted.[/quote]

Op here. You made me feel like absolute sh-t with what you wrote so I hope you’re happy and got what you needed out of doing this.

If I had your number I’d give it to my mom and I’m sure you would enjoy each other’s company and talk for hours together like the generous, better person you are.[/quote]

I think this responder actually has some valid points.  The responses to cut off the mom only serves to put Op on a therapist's couch for decades. She already feels tremendous guilt.
There are ways to deal with people like this but the basics is that things won't change and that mom is deeply flawed.  Mom herself needs to accept things won't change.  Managing expectations is missing here.[/quote]

Agree. OP's vitriolic response to a differing perspective and legitimate criticism is a red flag.

I also find it unusual that just about every poster complaining about a parent prefaces it by saying they were physically, mentally or emotionally abused in some way. The intent of which is to immediately place the burden of blame on the parent.

I'm not doubting that some have been abused but I do wonder about this. Is it physical abuse to make a small child hold your hand when crossing the street? Is it emotional abuse to tell a child they won't always be the first/best/winner and to learn to lose graciously? Is it mental abuse to withhold games before homework is completed?  
[/quote]

Actual psychologist here.

Cutting off toxic people does not keep people in therapy. Toxic relationships do.

Parents are to blame for abuse, not children nor adult children.

I have never met a single person who uses the examples you’ve given, or other trivial examples, as examples of abuse.

OP is not the “red flag” person in this thread.

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