Reply to If you are 35+ how long Did it take you to conceive?

Forum Index » Trying to Conceive (TTC)

Reply to "If you are 35+ how long Did it take you to conceive?"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I had multiple miscarriages before conceiving, both at 33 and 36. Even though I did ultimately have a live birth both times, the losses were hard and I wish people were more upfront about the likelihood of more emotionally difficult losses in this age range. [/quote]

I'm very sorry for your losses but some of us can't be up front about that because it never happened to us. I got pregnant about two months after we started trying when I was 35 and I had the baby at 36, and the same when I was 38/39. It was easy peasy, no fertility struggles. I feel the opposite of you -- the internet tells you it will be so hard,  you're so old, blah blah but I and my good friends had no trouble at all having babies at 35+ The struggles are a lie. Your miscarriages are just genetics, PP. Again, very sorry for your losses.[/quote]

You just don’t know about the people that struggled. It happens and is certainly not a lie, people just keep quiet about it. [/quote]

You're absolutely right -- NO ONE talks about miscarriages in their 20s. They are far more common than any woman wants to believe. THAT is the real lie - that everyone thinks it's super easy for women in their 20s, but the thing is they have miscarriages and struggle with fertility all the time and they just DON'T TALK ABOUT IT because they worry people will think there's something wrong with them, because they're in the 20s and are supposed to be in prime fertility. It's like this -- MISCARRIAGES HAPPEN ALL THE TIME TO EVERY ONE AT ALL AGES. [/quote]

Sorry are you trying to say they aren’t meaningfully more common in your mid 30s than your 20s?[/quote]

DP but yes of course miscarriage is more common in your mid 30s than your 20s. However, importantly, more women in their mid 30s are actively trying to get pregnant, too.

The estimate that about 10% of pregnancies age 25-20 end in miscarriage. That's a lot! By the time you hit 45, that number rises to over 50%. Everything else is along a continuum. Age increases your likelihood of miscarriage.

BUT part of the problem with the way it is often framed (as a sign of infertility) is that this is really not usually what a miscarriage tells us. It just means that specific pregnancy wasn't viable, but it doesn't tell us that woman is infertile. It likely reflects the viability of the zygote. Maybe some issue with the egg, or the sperm or the zygote itself. In this way, miscarriages can actually be viewed as beneficial -- it's the body's way of saying "nope, this one isn't going to work out, try again." It might not be fun but it's not a tragedy. The vast majority of miscarried pregnancies are likely for the best (obviously I'm talking about spontaneous miscarriage and not those that can be caused by external reasons like physical injury, which are a very small percent of miscarriages).

It's just frustrating when people talk about miscarriage like it's a sign there is something "wrong". Usually nothing is wrong. Usually a miscarriage is followed by a healthy pregnancy.[/quote]

I've literally never heard anyone talk about one, maybe two, miscarriages as a sign that something is wrong. I think everyone in the over-educated DCUM population knows and agrees with what you are saying. Regardless of what people know and intellectually understand, miscarriage can be very emotionally difficult for some women. The odds of going through multiple miscarriages, not just one or two, before a successful pregnancy goes up the older you and your eggs get. You can both understand that something is "normal" and find it hard and want to avoid it. Have some compassion, PPs.[/quote]

I am not without compassion. I have compassion for anyone who goes through this, as I have gone through it and know it can be hard.

But I know numerous women in the "DCUM demographic" have had a single miscarriage while trying to conceive and told me that they thought "something is wrong" and it was a sign they'd never have a baby. Like I've had this conversation numerous times.

Miscarriage sucks, but it is normal. And to say you "want to avoid it" -- the point is that you could do everything right and still not avoid it. My sister had multiple miscarriages at 27 and thought she'd never have a viable pregnancy. She went on to give birth to three healthy kids.

Miscarriage is common, normal, and not a sign of infertility. It's so weird to me that we still can't seem to acknowledge this. The two worst things about miscarriage are (1) it can be painful or at least physically uncomfortable, depending on how far along you are, and (2) it is deeply disappointing when you are trying to get pregnant because it feels like having the rug pulled out from under you. There's nothing we can do about the first thing beyond provide care and support. But the second? We can help with that considerably by reiterating for women everywhere: miscarriage is common, normal, and not a sign of infertility.[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics