Reply to If you are 35+ how long Did it take you to conceive?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I had multiple miscarriages before conceiving, both at 33 and 36. Even though I did ultimately have a live birth both times, the losses were hard and I wish people were more upfront about the likelihood of more emotionally difficult losses in this age range. [/quote]

I'm very sorry for your losses but some of us can't be up front about that because it never happened to us. I got pregnant about two months after we started trying when I was 35 and I had the baby at 36, and the same when I was 38/39. It was easy peasy, no fertility struggles. I feel the opposite of you -- the internet tells you it will be so hard,  you're so old, blah blah but I and my good friends had no trouble at all having babies at 35+ The struggles are a lie. Your miscarriages are just genetics, PP. Again, very sorry for your losses.[/quote]

You just don’t know about the people that struggled. It happens and is certainly not a lie, people just keep quiet about it. [/quote]

You're absolutely right -- NO ONE talks about miscarriages in their 20s. They are far more common than any woman wants to believe. THAT is the real lie - that everyone thinks it's super easy for women in their 20s, but the thing is they have miscarriages and struggle with fertility all the time and they just DON'T TALK ABOUT IT because they worry people will think there's something wrong with them, because they're in the 20s and are supposed to be in prime fertility. It's like this -- MISCARRIAGES HAPPEN ALL THE TIME TO EVERY ONE AT ALL AGES. [/quote]

+1, I think it's weird when people act like miscarriages are this rare marker of infertility. They aren't. A miscarriage is a pregnancy and can often mean that things are working appropriately. The most common medical response to a miscarriage is "ok, so we know you can conceive, let's keep trying and see if the next is viable." Most miscarriages are not a sign of some underlying problem, it just means that pregnancy didn't take for some reason but the next might.

10-20 percent of known pregnancies result in miscarriage, but doctors assume the real number is higher because (1) some women likely miscarry before they realize they are pregnant and actually think it's just a bad period, and (2) some women feel shame around miscarriage and don't tell anyone.

The more time you've spent trying to get pregnant, the more likely you are to have miscarriages. A woman with 3-4 kids is more likely to have had a miscarriage therefore. She has 3-4 kids -- she's not infertile.

Miscarriage should be talked about more but I actually think we should be less dramatic about it. Women who miscarry should receive proper medical care and time off to recuperate (it can be painful and even dangerous, plus I've heard horror stories of women whose insurance didn't cover their hospital visit for a miscarriage because once the pregnancy was no longer viable it was no longer covered by their prenatal coverage, which is enraging). But a lot of women will talk about their miscarriages like it marks them, or means they "struggled" to get pregnant. I'm not going to tell anyone how to feel about their own experience, but I don't personally consider a miscarriage or two before a viable pregnancy to be a struggle. IME personal experience and what I know from other women, it's incredibly common.[/quote]

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