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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I have an only child who my everything. My child is a toddler and approaching an age where if I’m going to have another child it needs to be now for them to really be arguably close in age. What does everyone think about having an only child verse two children? Any thoughts and feedback much appreciated.  [b]I am looking for exclusively the perspective of The benefits it would have on my child.[/b] (not necessarily for my benefit)[/quote]

Well do you want your child growing up to think they are someone's everything, that they always are first pick, that they are always the most important and then go out into the real world with that mindset. Or do you want them to learn compromise, negotiating, that life isn't always fair, how to get along with others, etc.[/quote]

A sibling isn’t necessarily going to fix this. [/quote]

My cousin is who is an only child was the most spoilt and entitled child I knew and grew up to be an entitled, spoilt adult. She was their everything, center of their world, the sun, moon, and stars.  However I agree that if she had had a sibling, both kids would probably have been treated that way to some extent.[/quote]

I do a lot of volunteering with kids and have seen dozens and dozens of family dynamics over the years. Selfish, spoiled children are a result of bad parenting, not the number of siblings they have. I know kids with those traits and IMO, their siblings seem to make them double down with those tendencies. The parents encourage possessiveness and "fairness" and it makes the competitive and un-generous. I also know only children that are the least selfish and most compromising kids in the room, because they have never had to compete for resources and don't see life as a zero sum game. Personally, I think if I lived in a rural area, I'd be more inclined to give a child a sibling or two. But in an urban area like the DMV, kids have plenty of neighbors and extracurricular activities if they want them. I think the best family set up in this area is the one that makes the parents happiest and most able to be calm, stable, involved parents. Life in this area is hard and demanding, and adding more kids because you "should" is not always a net positive for the family and the kid's childhood experience. [/quote]

Great comment. The issue of geography is a good one. I am very happy as a parent of an only in a city, where resources are expensive, there are lots of other only children, and the logistics of having more kids could be really challenging. But many years ago we contemplated moving out of the city to a more suburban/rural life, and I am positive that if we'd don't that, we would have had at least two.  It can really depend on what resources are available to your kids and also what resources are available to you (i.e. nearby family, lots of childcare choices you can afford, schools, etc.).

Also, we have two families we are close to who have only children within a couple years of our kid, and we spend a lot of time with them. It's not the same as siblings but since none of these kids have siblings, I'm not sure it matters. It has resolved a lot of our issues around worrying that our kid will be lonely or isolated. It also just helps to have friends who have the same family set up because you can support each other in ways another family not be able to. But this is possible because we live in a place were having an only is not that uncommon.[/quote]

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