Reply to Parent excluding my DD. Kids are friends inside of school

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]They are never going to include you.  Give up and move on.  Yes, she deserves better but this is how people are.  You don't confront the mom.[/quote]

There seems to be a running theme on DCUM that posters kids are entitled to be included in almost everything. I don’t get this mindset. If someone isn’t including you, they don’t want you there. Why would you want to force that?  The best thing to do would be to tell your DC to find new friends. 
Also, OP blames the mom for not including her daughter. I’d be willing to bet there is some amount of direction from the excluding moms kid. [/quote]

At that age, its nice to include all the kids.  I'm assuming you are the parent that OP describes.  We always included everyone, especially at parties.  But, mean people are never going to get it.[/quote]

You include the entire class in every Saturday afternoon play date? Or are you also a mean person?[/quote]

OP here.  We don't expect to be invited to everything.  However, if there is a group of four girls that hang out all day at school, lunch, playground.  Then the mom invites three out of the four, you don't think that's mean? what message does it say to the other kids?  it's mean.[/quote]

But you have no idea that this is an exclusive group of 4…

Maybe they play with other kids in school too and don’t see themselves as a group of 4.  Maybe 3 of them get together, but there also other kids involved too? You have no idea the extent and reach of the friendships of these these other girls.  They aren’t a group of 4.  They are 4 girls that sometimes play together at school.

DP - consistently inviting three of four, yes, that's mean.  At best, it's completely clueless, especially if you've brought it up.  Girls that age are old enough to be aware of these dynamics, mostly.

OP, don't confront the other mom; to what end?  Help your DD identify friends she does want to see on weekends/outside of school and be proactive about scheduling.  Also, know that things will likely change a lot once she hits middle school, which isn't too far away (my DD is 10 and in fifth).  Hang in there.  This stuff is hard, and it's most important that you're there to support your daughter.  FWIW, I've found Lisa Damour's books and podcasts SO helpful for supporting my daughter and figuring out how to handle these tough situations.  She has compassion and expertise - both of which are often in short supply on DCUM.[/quote][/quote]

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