Reply to When did you know that you and your child would not have a good relationship when they became adult?

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Reply to "When did you know that you and your child would not have a good relationship when they became adult?"

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[quote=Anonymous]OP, my mother had similar feelings toward me when I was in high school. And no, it did not get better, the relationship completely disintegrated in my 40s and we no longer have contact.
Having a parent reject and withdraw from you in adolescence is not just painful....it is overwhelmingly frightening.

Parents are similar to a government of a tiny country with its own culture, laws and norms.  When a parent withdraws and rejects you, it is like being a hated minority in a country whose leader just wants you to immigrate, die or send you to prison instead of create new policies and changes to the culture that will help you thrive.

Imagine you are watching a press briefing with this tiny island's dictator who says:

We had an influx of immigrants from XYZ group 15 years ago and it is clear at this point they bring no benefit to our country.  Granted they haven't been in this country long, but I don't think they will ever fully assimilate to our culture or grow out of ALL their insecurities.  XYZ group are a jealous people--that is just who they are.  I do hope they will grow out of this, but I’ve always been perceptive of immigrant groups. They know I love their people and support them, but I am tired of all their protests.  Sounds terrible but i just want them to get off our island, I’m afraid they will be a drain on our economy and culture forever--never moving up the economic ladder.   They are that insecure and draining.   I accept these people the way they are but I am slowly withdrawing support, especially as I watch their emotional, reactive, insecure protests in our streets--from the window of my office in my mansion.  I’m just trying not to hate this group.  Help me..

Try to imagine your daughter's inner world--and how it drives her observable behaviors. Then, observe the cultural norms within your family that might be difficult for your daughter as a citizen in your family.  You could ask your daughter to write about what she finds so problematic about your leadership as her parent and your family's norms---and what changes she would demand to feel comfortable as a "citizen" of your family.

Good luck!!!

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