Reply to How are kids doing post divorce?

Forum Index » Parenting -- Special Concerns

Reply to "How are kids doing post divorce?"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote]Divorce is harder when kids are teenagers. Boys also usually act out. There are a lot of studies on this. 
Divorces that are not high conflict and just want to put the kids first and not fight over every single thing are usually much easier on everyone including the kids. I’ve read that girls tend to fare better and kids usually do much better if they are under the age of 12. I personally think a divorce with an only child would be much more difficult than a divorce with a sibling when you can go through the experience together. In my experience the whole thing was pretty uneventful and seamless and my kids are perfectly happy and are exactly the same as before. But I have two girls and my kids are the same age as OP’s kids. We also did not tell them until everything was done and there was a place for them to live it was different we were not going to tell them “we’re getting a divorce but we don’t know what’s gonna happen”; we told them and all the details were sorted out so they did not have any anxiety about what was going to happen because we already had the solution.[/quote]

You seem pretty invested in believing that your kids find the divorce to be a non-event.  Wait until they are a little older - they will become much better at expressing their resentments.  You may have handled this in the best possible way, but that does not change the fact that it changed their lives and will continue to impact them even as adults.  Your narrative doesn’t seem to allow any room for their feelings, only what you want their feelings to be.[/quote]

+1 as a child of amicably divorced parents, you’re trying wayy too hard to convince yourself of something that just is not true. Girls ARE, in general, pleasers and more likely to internalize hard things…so I definitely believe if you keep asking them for reassurance that they’re fine, they can sense what you want them to say and they’re saying it. But that’s far from actually being “perfectly fine”, trust me [/quote]

So, say your parents had remained unhappily married-would you then have been 'perfectly fine'? [/quote]

That's not the point, defensive divorced person.  The point is, don't tell yourself the kids are fine after divorce.  Either way, they aren't fine.  Don't delude yourself.

The worst of all is divorce and then subsequent unhappy marriages.[/quote]

So, you didn't answer the question. Ok.[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics