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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Anyone with high standards accept the possibility of long-term singelhood coming with the territory? If so, how did you accept? What are some of your standards you find hard to meet?[/quote]
Maybe I shouldn't answer because I've never actually tried dating (married first boyfriend, divorced, slept with a couple people I knew IRL, now been with my boyfriend for 9 years).  But I find I'm putting up with a lot more shady behavior from my boyfriend than I ever thought I would because I feel so pessimistic about replacing him.

I am attracted to so few people.  After this boyfriend, I have new shallow requirements that I've discovered are key to a great sex life for me.  So he must be over 6 feet, muscular, and well-endowed.  At age 45+, that's already a rarity.  Then must click mentally in all the ways -- liberal, atheist, logical.  Then our lifestyles have to mesh -- laidback but responsible, self-sufficient adult but not uptight workaholic, no young kids.  Then all the bonus stuff, like similar taste in music, movies, TV shows, restaurants, amount of socializing, senses of humor.

And I alluded to it earlier but the sexual chemistry is hugely important for me at this stage in my life after a long sexless marriage.  It's hard to find all of these personality traits in one person to just be FRIENDS with, much less to find all of them in a person whose bones you also want to jump.

And the truly demoralizing part is realizing I wouldn't have even found this boyfriend on a dating app because he didn't even self-identify accurately when it comes to politics and religion so I would've screened him out.  Also I am a low-energy introvert, so I am not willing to go on a million random dates.  Ugh no.  So if it doesn't work out with guy, I imagine I'd be permanently single.[/quote]
Obviously I don’t know you so I mean this generally: You and OP find it impossible to love. You want to find Yourself in your partner, and no matter how superficially alike you are, when the Other inevitably emerges (ie. the part of that person that challenges you, grates on you, annoys, is imperfect, does not perfectly fit into what you want), you are unhappy and disengage.

I won’t call it narcissism per se, but it’s an inability to love anyone but one’s self. You guys are indeed better off alone, because that’s all you’re really capable of.[/quote]

Lol.  OK.  I've been in a 20 year marriage and a 9 year relationship and both have cheated on me.  But yeah, my problem is I don't know how to love.  [/quote]
Nowhere did you say anything about getting cheated on, trust, fidelity, or anything but “standards”. The previous posts were all about my standards, what I want, “me, me, me”. And when someone dares to suggest the problem perhaps lies within you, you immediately go on the defense and pull cheating out of your ass after the fact because now you’re the victim. Yes, sounds about right.[/quote]

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