Reply to Is moving an elderly parent into a care facility a form of 'betrayal'?

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Reply to "Is moving an elderly parent into a care facility a form of 'betrayal'?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]MIL is 93 and has developed dementia over the last 5 to 7 years. She lives in her own home. DH and his siblings have hired a team of home health aides and helpers to take care of her.

DH's sisters hate the idea of their mother moving into a care facility. They see it as a form of 'betrayal'. 
DH wants what is best for his mother but he is the more rational and practical one of the siblings, and he would support the idea, if her condition deteriorates and she can no longer comfortably live at home, even with aides/helpers.
There have been low level conflicts about MIL's care between DH and his siblings over the years. His sisters are far more emotional about it than he is.

(My own parents passed away a long time ago at a younger age than MIL  and I never had to deal with these issues.)

[/quote]

I have a few questions:

1. Who has power of attorney over your MIL?  I'm assuming someone other than her does as you indicate she's had dementia for 5 to 7 years.  If not, or if she never indicated a preference legally, you need to get that worked out.  Ideally it should be a decision that all agree to, but whomever is designated the POA has the final say.

2. What kind of assets does MIL have?  I say this because if she's living in a home she owns, and is expected to require care long term, the sale of her house after moving to a facility will help fund that care.  Long-term care insurance and eligibility for Veterans Aid (or spouse survival) should also be a factor.

Ultimately, I don't believe it is a betrayal as these facilities are designed to provide the level of care that most family members cannot sustain on a long term basis.  If she lives nearby, you can still visit her and be a part of her life.  I wish you the best.[/quote]

This is OP. To answer your questions:

1. All of MIL's children have POA, meaning my husband and his siblings.

2. MIL owns her own house, plus she has savings and investments. She is not 'wealthy' but financially comfortable enough to fund long term care in a care facility (for at least another 7 or 8 years).

She is receiving good 24/7 care at home from her aides and helpers right now but there may come a time where even her private carers can't cope. This is where my husband's opinion differs from his sisters.
Sisters think she will deteriorate quicker in a care facility and she needs to stay in her familiar environment. 
My husband thinks receiving care at home is great until it's not. [/quote]

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