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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I’m someone who acted on the feelings.  Don’t do it OP, it’s not real.  Like someone said earlier it’s not him, it’s how he makes you feel.  In my case the coworker would notice when I got a haircut, or wore a new outfit.  He paid attention to what I liked and didn’t like and would make me dinner consisting of something he’d noticed I’d enjoyed at some point. (We were away for several weeks on work travel).

[b]There’s nothing at all like the feeling of actually being seen by a living, breathing, attractive member of the opposite sex when you feel completely invisible in your long term marriage to your nice guy[/b].  Who you feel hasn’t actually seen you in years and would never, ever notice if you got a haircut.

In my case I fell for it, had what I thought was a good time for a few weeks, broke it off when the trip ended, came home from travel and felt horrible and came clean to my husband.  He pretty much immediately (okay within a few months) decided he could never get over the betrayal and we divorced just over a year later.  The rest is history.

My world blew up quicker than I ever thought was possible.  My XH, who I thought would try to at least work on things, basically took off and was done.  No second chances for me.

In retrospect I wasn’t actually even attracted to the guy.  My XH was better looking and a better catch.  But being around someone who listened to you and noticed you when you hadn’t experienced that for a long time was like a buffet for someone who is starving.  I’m a total jerk for my behavior, I should have thought about what was missing from my own relationship and worked on that.  Life lesson I would highly not recommend anyone else having to learn.[/quote]

This, this.

It's equally true for men. I was basically the loser husband who was invisible to my wife and felt alive again when a co-worker showed interest.

But I am surprised you confessed. This is "take it to the grave" stuff. We had a wonderful time and it was a great break from the doldrums of being invisible and neglected in marriage.

I wish you well.[/quote]

I feel for your wife....you better hope she never finds out.[/quote]
I wish I had any passion towards my husband to even care if he cheated on me…really,  after 20+ years of marriage, is it surprising that people lose interest?[/quote]

Not surprising but sad, in my mind. There are plenty of marriages of 20 years that are strong because both partners have consistently invested in the relationship . [/quote]
Invest how exactly? Romantically, I am indifferent toward my dh. I care for him as my best friend and I respect him and maybe that’s good enough. But I never had romantic feelings towards him, I want to feel that with someone during my lifetime. I want a reciprocal head over heels love affair, I want to feel weak in the knees, even if only for a short time.  I have never felt that towards my dh and I never will.[/quote]

Christ.  Your an a-hole? How on earth do you marry someone you never had romantic feelings for ???

My spouse and I were literal fire when we met.  It was like a drug I couldn’t be without…and 24 years later that still can come out.

[/quote]

What I find pathetic are these people that settled and feeling this for the first time in middle age.  And then cheat! Settled for $ or pleasing their parents or checking a box.[/quote]
You are very lucky for meeting your ‘soulmate’ at just the perfect time in life, if only….do you honestly believe that most people do not settle? Especially one half of a couple settles to some extent. I am mid 40s now, so even if this object of my desire were single and available, I am mid 40s…I didn’t date much before meeting dh, seriously dated about 2 guys. I was in love with one and he wasn’t in love with me. It was just never reciprocal with anyone, ever. My dh brought a steadiness, maturity, loyalty that no other man could provide at that specific time. In hindsight, maybe I should have waited 5-10 more years and dated more, yes, I should have, but hindsight is 20/20, and I now must prioritize my kids and their dear sweet father. My needs and wants can’t matter.[/quote]

I would have stayed single if I didn’t meet someone that I had that chemistry with.  It drove my mother mad that I didn’t have a serious boyfriend or get married as young as my older sister.  Then I waited a long time to start a family.  My brother never married and has been very happy. You only have one life to live.  I’m sorry.  [/quote]

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