Reply to When did you know that you and your child would not have a good relationship when they became adult?

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[quote=Anonymous]My mom would’ve written the same thing about me when I was a teenager. She still complains about how terrible it was having to parent me through the 10 years. I was an honor roll student and a bunch of extracurriculars, active in the religion she raised me in. On the surface I was incredibly easy to parent. The problem is that in the 10 years I suddenly didn’t want to parent her anymore. I didn’t think her emotions deserved to be the most important ones.  And I actually called her out on toxic things such as constantly complaining to me about her marital issues, or criticizing my body and my food choices are policing every interaction I ever had with a boy.  And to be clear, I literally did not date at all until college, so her micromanaging me interacting with boys and simultaneously telling me that I wasn’t allowed to date and worrying that I would never find someone who wanted to date me because I was too fat was 100% about her and her issues. I was not hanging out with inappropriate people.

As adults, I talk to her a few times a month and see her about once a year. She knows very little about my life, good or bad, and I still don’t really like or respect her as a person. I accept that she loved me the best that she could and that she has a lot of flaws and her own mental health issues. But the fact that she still blames me for every difficulty in my childhood is pretty telling.

OP, I strongly encourage you to get into therapy and work through all of the parts of your relationship with your kids that are your own stuff. Your own trauma, your own mental illness, your own boundary issues, whatever is going on with you. Because the reality is that over time you are just going to drive away everyone else the same way you have done with your kids.[/quote]

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