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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]6) Making them quit any of their activities, even if it's due to "fairness" for the sake of your children
7) Doing PDA with their dad around them and their friends.
8) Expecting them not to roll their eyes at the "till death do us part" words in the wedding, if there was a divorce
9) Getting on your high horse about setting an example of a happy marriage, when it means they get less of something. You don't know that your marriage is or will be happy, and they won't care.
10) Having age-inapproprate expectatons for their maturity and behavior.  If you don't know much about teens, read up.
11) Blaming their mom for how they turned out.  Guess what-- your DH is equally their parent, and if he failed to raise them with manners and morals that's on him.  And ask yourself why you're raising children with a man who isn't a good parent.[/quote]

Oh these are sooo good!! My stepmom did almost all of these (and the ones in OP’s prior list) and then wondered why we were jerks to her.

I do feel really bad about how we treated her and I know she didn’t try to be a wicked stepmother. But if she had had this list handy it would have made everyone’s lives much easier. [/quote]

You find it perfectly acceptable that a married couple should not ever hold hands, kiss goodnight, put their arms around each other, etc. in front of stepkids.  Why, exactly? 
You find it acceptable for older kids to "roll their eyes" or sigh or do other negative behaviors during a wedding ceremony?  Why, exactly?
It's OK to be "jerks" to the stepmom because she somehow failed at a list of criteria she wasn't even aware of?  Why, exactly?

I do agree that badmouthing either parent to the stepkids is absolutely off limits. Plus, it's heartening to see that some adult stepkids do feel a twinge of remorse over what they've done to a stepparent.  Just remember, statistically most of us are going to be in a step-position at some point. 
[/quote]

I'm the one who wrote the list, and here's why.

PDA: Because teens find adult PDA awkward.  All PDA by any adults is awkward, because teens are awkward about anything remotely connected to sex.  The OP asked about awkwardness in the first few months, and avoiding PDA will be helpful.

Wedding:[b] Because there's only so many times a person can promise "till death do us part" and have other people take it seriously. [/b] I was 22 at my dad's THIRD wedding, so I had enough maturity to control my facial expressions, but I did think it's embarrassing and pathetic to be making that promise to a THIRD woman while the other two are still alive.  If you think people are taking it seriously when you say it, think again.  There's a reason second weddings are usually smaller and more discreet.

List: The OP asked for suggestions, here they are.  And really they are just common sense if you have any clue about teenagers and their development.  It's not a secret.  I never said it's okay for teens to be jerks, but the OP asked what the kids are thinking, and these are relevant things.  Really, if you screw them out of financial aid or make them quit their activities, who's the jerk here?[/quote]

The bold - kids (nor people in general) are not required to engage in the Potemkin-village building of the adults around them. Sometimes kids keep quiet about their parents’ hypocrisy, because they recognize that not doing so is unsafe.  But, we shouldn’t expect silence from kids when adults are actively lying - and that’s what the hypocrisy of a third marriage is.

Our kids have been badly emotionally damaged by the behavior of their dad’s second wife, and their dad’s own behavior. It’s been hard to watch. [/quote]

Isn't a second happy marriage better for children than parents who hate each other and fight and argue constantly?[/quote]

What makes you think it's a happy marriage?  And can a marriage that traumatizes children ever be called happy?[/quote]

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