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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Honestly, the best thing you can do is love his kid. Don’t be “tolerant” or “accepting” or “inclusive.” Be the president of his fan club. Ask about him, celebrate his accomplishments, cultivate a relationship with him. My siblings all try to be supportive but none of them really treat my kid like the other nieces and nephews.[/quote]

Agree with this 100% from experience.  We have a ASD (and ADHD, depression) 14 yo.  Two sides of the family.  Here's the description:

One side (3 aunts, 2 grandparents, 1 uncle):  judged and criticized our parenting, ignored our child at best, criticized at worst.  Sent us irrelevant articles on subjects we had already researched extensively.  Did not read resources we offered or letters we wrote.  Never offered to help.  family gatherings always on their terms.  Stared at child with distain at family gatherings.  Fast forward 11 years and nobody has ANY relationship whatsoever with teenager.  Grandmother is the only one who seems to want one, now that disability is clear - but child wants nothing to do with her due to past behavior.  Will merely tolerate in silence.  Grandfather (and loving new wife) is accepting and helpful, but live very far away and don't reach out much.  Child will engage with them when they visit.

Other side (3 aunts, 2 grandparents, 1 uncle by marriage);  did not criticize.  Read articles we sent.  Asked questions.  Came to help without judgment and bought lots of ice cream.  Engaged in child's special interests no matter how obscure (when little, it was My Little Pony and cute stuff, now is edgy bands, LGBTQIA topics, Autism acceptance...).  Asked us for suggestions on how to deal with behavior.  Listened to us.  Going to visit this side is now child's favorite thing to do.  Last time we visited they had Auntie day with each aunt and stayed overnight with grandma.  Grandpa comes to stay with them.  Makes me cry.

So the best advice is just LOVE that kid.  As he gets older he will feel more and more different and home gets to be a safe space with simple love and acceptance.  If you provide that, you'll be one of his safe people and that is better than anything in the world.[/quote]

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