Reply to Changing children’s last name to biological mom who used sperm donor

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Another donor mom here. OP I feel for your inner turmoil but PPs recognizing that this is about you, not your kids, are spot on. You have a ton of personal issues at play: your acceptance of your IVF journey, shedding cultural guilt/baggage, your father's ill health. These issues are real and challenging, and you deserve the space to process them. But kindly, upending things for your kids isn't the way to do that. Because family secrets don't stay secret forever (IME), something tells me these kids will learn their origin eventually, and maybe they'll want to change their name then. Who knows? But it should be their choice.

In the meantime, your bigger question is do you want to stay with this guy? This sounds like a relationship born of necessity that has run its course. I don't hear any attachment to him in your post. I'd examine that and be honest. Ten more years is a long time to stay with someone you no longer love. [/quote]

OP here.  I agree that this has come into play because of me and what I am going through at the moment.  I do not want to stay with him, we are roommates now, but I don't want the kids to suffer in any way. [b] He is not a financial provider at all and that makes me feel hugely resentful. [/b] On the other hand, I would be even more resentful if he were their biological father.  I can tell myself I am like a single mom financially and try to have no expectations.  I am not ready to upend my kids lives because I made a poor choice.  I am leaning towards putting my last name as their middle name.  At least they will then have mine and my family's name in theirs.  Eventually, I will have to figure out the birth certificate issue.  And yes, the kids need to know the truth.  Thank you for your kindness.  [/quote]
You said he pays for your housing. Stop diminishing his financial support for your children. And you.[/quote]

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