Reply to First few months of being a stepparents to teens

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here. I am actually the bio mom wondering what it is going to be like for my kids' new stepmom and esp my kids. I really like her btw. She has kids but they are out of the house. [/quote]

God help her if they are anything like the bitter stepchildren who have posted on this thread.  I do not think a stepmother owes anything to stepchildren.  Women who marry divorced (or widowers) with children should beware.  They should also insist on indepth premarital counseling with children.

I wouldn't put up with their discourteous behavior for one minute.  I wouldn't even allow them in my house.  [/quote]

A stepmother may not owe anything to her step children, but her husband, the children’s bioDad, certainly owes them a great deal - financial support, love, attention, presence, time, encouragement, happiness, education, etc.  A step mother who gets in the way of that - because she thinks she is or ought to be the number one priority of her husband - really needs to reflect upon the ethics of their behavior.  The children came before the stepmom. The children didn’t ask to be placed in the situation of divorce. The children have no way to provide for themselves.  Our obligations to our children are not dependent on their good behavior.

When you say, “I wouldn’t even allow them in my house,” presumably you are talking about a house you live in jointly with the bioDad? If so, it is his house too, and the children should be allowed to enter and live in it.   There are many ways to create boundaries against discourteous behavior.  Get some therapy, please, so you can explore your own discourteous behavior. [/quote]

I would never go out with anyone who was divorced with children.  Way too much drama with ex wives.  I disagree that 2nd wife owes his children anything.  They have a mother and she is responsible for them.[b]  If I am paying for half the house then I get a say in who lives/visits in my house[/b].  [/quote]

Nope. He’s their dad. They’re welcome before you are. Don’t like it? Should have thought of that before you married him.[/quote]

If the new woman is co-owner, she has rights.  If she pays half for utilities, food, mortgage, his kids are not telling her what to do.  He can meet them outside the home.  If his children are monsters, why should she have to put up with them. [/quote]

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