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[quote=Anonymous]OP here.

This is so helpful.

First, I 100% agree that I have BPD. It is probably the reason I never left. But I also know that I didn't have it before my marriage. I was in incredibly healthy relationships and was stable and calm. I think this is the #1 reason that I have to leave this relationship. I am losing my own sanity and my own grasp on what's okay and what's not. I just don't think I even have a chance at reality if I am staying in a marriage that looks like mine.

Second, I have thought that DH has narcissism before but he does not. We had suggested it at the beginning of our relationship to an early marriage counselor and it's not true. Plus, he is sincerely in shock -- as in he is distraught and doesn't know what's wrong with him and feels like he is going insane, too. Years ago, I was told by our marriage counselor that he won't change but that it was due to his career demands and it was a survival mechanism. But that no longer makes sense to me. Or at least it's no longer an excuse to me.

Third, and this is probably where my fault. I did not need him to visit and did not expect him to read my mind. I am very communicative and clear.   I thought he may go home after work because the hospital is inconvenient. I was fine with that. Yes, I did think that he would text me and ask for an update OR I would have given him an update. But yes, I found his long text to let me know it was guys only (as a hint that I wasn't invited). He wasn't cheating on me. I know every single guy that he named one by one and their wives and so I actually know that he didn't even tell the guys that I was in the ER. One of the wives actually texted me to ask what I was doing that night and later told me that my husband didn't even mention it to her husband when they were out. That is also weird. I wish it was an affair. It would make walking away easier. It would give me a concrete thing to hold onto. It's a lot harder that I'm walking away from all these years without any major change.

Re the ab pain, they still have no diagnosis. It's been going on for weeks and getting worse. And maybe that is a bigger sign of BPD but considering that I have had health issues for just a couple months and have had an issue with the way DH treats me for a over a decade and a half, and have been making excuses for him and trying to downplay it, I think the problem isn't the BPD or the ab issues.[/quote]

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