Reply to Gifts received from estranged family member?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Sorry, but this whole gifting grooming narc thing is not the only reason. I had a falling out with my sibling after one of our parents died. It was already a strained relationship, but as the only aunt to my teen niece and nephew (who I had a good relationship with) I didn't send bday gifts to manipulate them. I sent them because I always had and so they wouldn't feel punished just because I don't speak to their parent! One kid responded well to this and we have a positive relationship esp now that she's older. The other one went AWOL so I stopped reaching out and sending gifts. So there you have it, one of them responded in kind and the other decided to cut off contact -- I respected the latter's boundary and stopped reaching out. I had aunts and uncles that peeled off throughout my own childhood because of our parents (yes, estrangement runs in the family) and it really hurt. I still feel sad about it as an adult! I never wanted these two kids to think I no longer cared, so I simply followed their lead. That's not narc behavior, that's me trying to do the right thing.  [/quote]

It's concerning you revived this thread to try to convince yourself it's totally fine to violate boundaries that were set. If someone decides you are toxic to their family and doesn't want you involved, as heartbreaking as that may be you respect their wishes. Sending stuff just creates drama. "As the only aunt" is not some entitlement. Kids are confused by all sorts of things. The creepy uncle who grooms they may be a favorite uncle at first. That doesn't make it OK. If you are hurt get therapy. Leave the kids alone. You don't overstep a boundary "to show you care." If a parent asked you to stop kissing a child or tickling them would you do it anyway to show you cared just because one of the kids laughed once or smiled at first? [/quote]

Toxicity is up for interpretation. In my case, family cut us off because they disapproved of our marriage - 30 years ago. It’s not always the toxic people who are trying to maintain connections.

I’ll ask again - OP, why is your DH estranged from his sibling? How do we know that OP’s DH isn’t the toxic one?
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