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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I agree with 2:46.  You are taking care of your mom, she is on vacation and irate with you for trying to do a good job which at that moment involves texting her. And YOU are now anxious because she's mad at you.

This is not a good dynamic, OP. You can maintain a good relationship with her and still not let her walk all over you. I know because I used to be a doormat.  I got a therapist for something else, and we ended up on this topic, and my therapist would literally give me the words to text, because I had ZERO training on how to establish or keep boundaries. It did not take long for me to learn, but I needed someone to teach me (at 54 years old) that there is something in between saying nothing and going nuclear.[/quote]

I don’t consider myself a doormat.  This is out of the ordinary for her.  I [b]have empathy because she and her family live with my mom so she truly hasn’t gotten a break until this week.[/b]  I can understand her frustration.  I agree with previous posters who said this wasn’t really about me, just the situation. [/quote]

This is huge. You need to apologize profusely, and you need to not bother her for the rest of the time she is away. Her children are watching their grandmother die, have very little in the way of happy family memories of this time, and you want their mother to pay attention to you?[/quote]

This is a pretty cruel comment.  It hurt, I’m not sure if that was your goal.

I didn’t text her because I wanted her attention on me.  I texted her because I couldn’t find the Zofran and my mother was so violently sick I was afraid we’d end up on a trip to the ER.  I needed her to hold down some food and water so she could take her daily medicine.

And my heart is with my nieces and nephews who are watching their beloved Grandmother die.  The same way they were when my kids were young and watched their grandfather die and the same way my heart hurts for my older kids and they also watch their grandmother die.  This isn’t easy for anyone.  I truly hope you never have to experience this. [/quote]

She didn’t respond to your text for several hours— did you take your mom to the ER?

If you do not live with your mother at least part time, you do not split the care 50/50. If you are genuinely there 50/50 you know where the medicine is kept. When your mother needs something late at night it is your sister’s responsibility. If her children see their grandmother violently ill it is on her to manage. It’s nice that you “feel for” your young nieces but you couldn’t give them [b]a day[/b] with their mother?

I was the kid in this situation. My grandmother lived with us until her death. Very occasionally my aunt would give respite care and my mother and father moved mountains to give us the happy memories of childhood that weren’t overshadowed by someone slowly, painfully, dying. This is incredibly hard on a seven year old.

And whenever something in the least bit out of the way came up, instead of managing it, my aunt called my mother, and my mother left her children playing in the sand/going on a ride/seeing their first ballet to go and manage whatever my aunt decided wasn’t her job. [/quote]

- My intent wasn’t to rob my nieces and nephews of more than a minute of their mothers time.  I usually know where all her meds are but my Mother was was much sicker than normal so we ended up using the remainder of her bedside medications for nausea.  I knew there were back ups but did not know exactly where.  I called in for a refill but this takes time.   I did look in places I thought the meds could be before texting.  My sister and her family have their own separate part of the house and didn’t want to dig through their personal items searching for where the meds might be.  I did not end up finding them until my sister responded but thankfully my mother was able to settle.  And yes, I should have made sure I knew were all medication and back up medication wa a before she left. I am not blameless.

I am sincerely sorry about your experiences with your aunt.  I can’t imagine how difficult that was as a child.  But I assure you I am not leaving my sister to deal with my sick mother alone.  I am here daily and spend many nights here as well.  I wouldn’t say it’s abnormal for me to spend more time here than at my own home.  I am only one person and I’m trying my very best to make everyone happy and do best by my mother, my sister and my own children.  It is not easy working full time, caring for a dying parent all while caring for my own two teen children.  I constantly feel like I am failing somewhere.  I am trying my best, but sometimes that is not good enough and someone is hurt.  This time it was my sister and I am truly sorry.[/quote]

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