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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I agree with 2:46.  You are taking care of your mom, she is on vacation and irate with you for trying to do a good job which at that moment involves texting her. And YOU are now anxious because she's mad at you.

This is not a good dynamic, OP. You can maintain a good relationship with her and still not let her walk all over you. I know because I used to be a doormat.  I got a therapist for something else, and we ended up on this topic, and my therapist would literally give me the words to text, because I had ZERO training on how to establish or keep boundaries. It did not take long for me to learn, but I needed someone to teach me (at 54 years old) that there is something in between saying nothing and going nuclear.[/quote]

I don’t consider myself a doormat.  This is out of the ordinary for her.  I [b]have empathy because she and her family live with my mom so she truly hasn’t gotten a break until this week.[/b]  I can understand her frustration.  I agree with previous posters who said this wasn’t really about me, just the situation. [/quote]

This is huge. You need to apologize profusely, and you need to not bother her for the rest of the time she is away. Her children are watching their grandmother die, have very little in the way of happy family memories of this time, and you want their mother to pay attention to you?[/quote]

This is a pretty cruel comment.  It hurt, I’m not sure if that was your goal.

I didn’t text her because I wanted her attention on me.  I texted her because I couldn’t find the Zofran and my mother was so violently sick I was afraid we’d end up on a trip to the ER.  I needed her to hold down some food and water so she could take her daily medicine.

And my heart is with my nieces and nephews who are watching their beloved Grandmother die.  The same way they were when my kids were young and watched their grandfather die and the same way my heart hurts for my older kids and they also watch their grandmother die.  This isn’t easy for anyone.  I truly hope you never have to experience this. [/quote]

[b]She didn’t respond to your text for several hours— did you take your mom to the ER?[/b]

If you do not live with your mother at least part time, you do not split the care 50/50. If you are genuinely there 50/50 you know where the medicine is kept. When your mother needs something late at night it is your sister’s responsibility. If her children see their grandmother violently ill it is on her to manage. It’s nice that you “feel for” your young nieces but you couldn’t give them [b]a day[/b] with their mother?

I was the kid in this situation. My grandmother lived with us until her death. Very occasionally my aunt would give respite care and my mother and father moved mountains to give us the happy memories of childhood that weren’t overshadowed by someone slowly, painfully, dying. This is incredibly hard on a seven year old.

And whenever something in the least bit out of the way came up, instead of managing it, my aunt called my mother, and my mother left her children playing in the sand/going on a ride/seeing their first ballet to go and manage whatever my aunt decided wasn’t her job. [/quote]

This is a very good question.  OP doesn’t mention a trip to the ER actually happened, so it seems unlikely.  In which case the whole song and dance about how she was so violently ill she needed the Zofran right now to avoid a trip to the hospital but the zofran was no where to be found falls apart a bit.

The whole thing raises a reasonable question about whether some part of OP was resentful that she had to pick up the caregiving her sister usually does for a few days and the text was a passive-aggressive way of expressing that. [/quote]
Wow, how about just backing off OP. She is stressed and dealing with a very difficult situation. I can not believe you guys are jumping on her. [/quote]

There are so many people who have sick/disabled parents, do the bulk of the caregiving, and have a sibling who “helps”. OP has a whole production about how this was so bad for **her** but gives no thought to the person who has it worse.[/quote]

I think we have a couple of bullies (or maybe one person disguised as two) in this thread, who is intent on beating down on OP no matter what.

It's really pathetic. [/quote]

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