Reply to What do you do when your adult child goes into therapy and lays blame at your feet.

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]1. Give it time.

2. Intent does not equal impact. Someone can sincerely believe they were doing right and yet their actions cause serious harm. This is true in all arenas of life, not just parenting. Stop making this about your intent.

3. Do you want to be right or have a good relationship with your son? [/quote]

God, this.  OP, how would you feel if your mother told you she had done the best she could?

I’m sure my kids will someday tell me all the ways I skewed up.  I definitely don’t look forward to it but I know I’m not perfect and no matter how hard I try I won’t do everything right for them.[/quote]

Does anyone know a perfect parent out there? My mom made tons of mistakes but I never got the impression that she did anything purposely to hurt me. So I accept that her love was flawed but that at the same time she tried her best. I also get to decide as an adult what level of relationship I want with her without being overtly mean by going to her with a laundry list of grievances. Why must everyone nowadays blame others without looking at intentions?[/quote]

No there are no perfect parents. Doesn’t matter. If we withheld our apologies for only times when we were not trying our best, intentionally hurting others, etc., apologies would be rare indeed. The vast majority of people are doing their best. They are trying hard. But sometimes our best just isn’t enough, and we can validate that. [/quote]

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