Reply to Did you feel better after going no-contact with your mom?

Forum Index » Family Relationships

Reply to "Did you feel better after going no-contact with your mom?"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I'm extremely low contact with my mom. It hurts and doesn't feel great. But it's more that I'm mourning the loss of something I never had and that she can't provide. Having very limited interaction with her saves me a lot of frustration/angst/heartache though.[/quote]

Exact same situation with me. In some ways extremely low contact is more difficult than no-contact because there is still interaction and during those interactions I have to deal with my mother’s behavior. The times before and after those contact points leave me emotionally and physically exhausted, but they are worth not having the same symptoms daily.

My warning to others is that you *will* feel better but it is not magic. You are trading one set of problems for another- the trick is to make sure the new problems are less emotionally difficult. For example, I have to explain to others that my mom isn’t dead, she just isn’t involved in our lives. On the rare occasions she cannot be avoided, I run interference to apologize for her rude or bad behavior in advance and to protect my children from her. There is a lot of isolation because except for the absolute closest friends (and sometimes not even those), explaining abuse and estrangement to those who haven’t experienced it results in a lot of incredulity, disbelief, and guilt.

I am sad but I am not hurt, abused, angry, frightened or threatened. So it’s a comfortable and safe kind of sad.[/quote]

PP you quoted... I love how you summed this up. But it took me forever to come to terms with the sadness. And a lot of therapy.

It is really hard to explain to people when it comes up about if we are close or not. Most people just can't wrap their heads around it. It's hard too because my ILs are great and great with my DC and they come to everything ... people at DC's activities will just assume they are my parents and ask "are your parents not local?" No, they are... live 10 minutes away and can't be bothered. But stuff like this has weirdly made it easier to just go extremely low contact. [/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics