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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]"Hang out with" is a subjective term. She's surrounded by people. She will never, ever be in this (imo fortunate) circumstance - surrounded by 30,000 of her peers the same age.[/quote]

This is why you don’t send passive kids or frankly any teen you really care about to a gigantic university for undergrad. THIS is why families pay a premium for private college. Nobody there cares about her. Nobody there is looking out for her. Nobody even notices if she never leaves her room and skips classes for weeks. And if God forbid something bad happens to her, the university machine will cover it up.

The only thing that gets anyone’s attention there is the check for tuition and room and board not clearing.[/quote]

Bull. I went to a huge state university, and made friends immediately. But this is back in the 80s, [b]before today's helicopter mommies.[/b]

I was in a sorority, a fraternity little sister, honor societies and the school newspaper.

And I'm sort of a plain Jane, but I found it easy to connect with people at college.[/quote]

Not the PP to whom you're responding, but .....Hooray for you, I guess. OK, you had a great time in college. Applause. Now, got anything to add that's positive, constructive advice for the OP's niece, or are you just here to humblebrag about your wonderful facility for friendships? And (in the bold) to drop a little bashing on others' parenting, which is irrelevant to OP's niece and OP's question?
[/quote]

Thank you!! It is NOT helicoptering to want to ensure our kids make friends and mental health doesn't deteriorate.  The first 2-3 weeks of college are key. Once others start making friends/form groups it can be extremely difficult for a shy/introverted/anxious person to break into a group, leaving them more isolated.  And then things can spiral downward.  I just left my introverted kid on a small campus and the first week was extremely challenging.  Anxiety really peaks for shy/introverted kids (as well as most kids).  They need our encouragement to get out there and make friends.  Many of them were doing school from home for a full 1.5-years.  Things were not normal their senior year either.  So they have not interacted as much in the last 2.5 years with "strangers"/new people as a 15-18 yo typically would.  Even without that, some kids are introverted/anxious and it's challenging to go to a new place, meet new people and be on your own.  No matter how excited you are, it can be challenging.  So yeah, I'm gonna stay on top of it and make sure my kid is reminded to put themselves out there, that friends from home call to encourage them (but that the calls are not constant and dont distract from being social), because their mental health matters.  I will help them develop/find the tools they need to succeed---not do it for them, just talk them thru it and provide support.  Without it everything will spiral downward, sometimes quite quickly and it can be difficult to recover from.

3 weeks in my own kid is making friends (at their own pace---they have always valued quality over quantity), socializing, and seems much happier than drop-off.  One parent just visited this weekend (3K miles away---quick check in for the parent who didn't attend drop off).  People in the dorm know them and they introduced parent to people they saw (that rarely happens, so a huge difference/maturing).  They are doing well and seem to have adjusted and are enjoying classes.

But being there for our kids is NOT helicoptering.  Supporting our kids is what parents do.  We don't just drop them off and say see you in November, call if you need anything.  We check in on them, still want to hear about their day/week and what new things they have gotten involved in.  We let them lead the way.  [/quote]

Amen.[/quote]

+1[/quote]

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