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[quote=Anonymous]OP back here again.

At her HS she experienced some ostracization and felt pretty disconnected from the kids who had big friend groups and I think that's carrying over in a couple of ways. She tried out for various teams and activities but didn't make the cut back in HS, so I think that really impacted how she sees herself "fitting in" with anyone she perceives to be the cool kids.

She ran into a few girls from her HS she didn't know from before, and they told her about a party that weekend. But then they never texted her back with the location of the party, so that sort of set her back since she'd been really looking forward to it. I told her that she might be reading more into it, and that they probably just got busy and forgot, as opposed to snubbing her intentionally.

She's very pretty (objectively - not just saying this because I'm her aunt) and initially the popular kids at her HS would include her in their group. But she's also quite a rule follower and wouldn't drink or do anything she considered to be too wild, so she sort of ended up drifting away from those kids. I doubt they were actually wild. It's probably just that she was an extra "good" kid as far as drinking and smoking go. My sense is that these kids would just ignore her if they saw her on the college campus because they've decided she's boring or a dud. They definitely aren't embracing a fellow kid from back home and trying to now include her in their group. It's a very competitive high school in a wealthy area where kids are super status conscious. I'm guessing that they do recognize her and aren't interested in letting her into their group now, and she probably doesn't want to hang with them anyhow. I think that seeing them all pal around together just makes her wish for what she doesn't have, like salt in the wound. It's not that she's imagining that other people have a friend group already. Rather, she knows they do because she knows that they've been friends for years. I had really wanted for her to choose a school where she wouldn't know many kids from HS so that she could get a fresh start and put these irritating kids behind her, but here we are.

"One thing you said in an earlier post concerns me. You said that kids from her high school are at her university and it's creating issues. What issues? Is she actually in some of her classes with kids who were at her HS, and that makes her...nervous, or upset? Are these huge lecture classes, so maybe she's overthinking it and doesn't realize they likely barely know she's there? Is she saying they're trying to interact with her otherwise? I'm a bit confused about these other kids. And I honestly wonder if those kids really are the issue, or if your niece is perhaps focusing too much on the fact they're present on campus, when they might have nothing to do with her at all."[/quote]

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